You never left

When everything's colour runs dry and the beautiful things
Don't seem as beautiful anymore
I know it's time to find you again
Amongst all the things you have given me.

When I lose the will the use the smile you gave me
and when the silence is just too unbearable,
I know it's time to unbury your words
From the deepest parts of my soul.

When I can't feel anything
When I can't speak
When I can't see you
I just need to remind myself that you're always there

That which fills all of the would-be emptiness
In my paper heart.
A perfect key fitting into a broken
And lonely padlock.

It's just that I missed you for so long,
Even if you never left.

Sexpert Extraordinaire!

I was so boring at home, I decided, "Hey, I think I wanna do quizes!". So, I did. After one another from friendship to relationship quizes and then... Jeng Jeng Jeng~ My eyes glued at the monitor. I was hooked. Written - 'Are you sexpert enough?'. Here's the result.

Go on, gloat -- you deserve it! Game to try anything once, gregarious and confident in bed, you've not only got few inhibitions and a high sex drive, but you're as sensitive to your lover's needs as you are to your own (and more than capable of satisfying both).

Your huge appetite for hedonistic pleasures attracts swarms of partners. Match up with an equally skilled lover who's as adventurous, imaginative and nonjudgmental as you are and erotic, earth-moving encounters happen daily.

You leave your lovers with a sloppy grin on their faces, and your exes not only still find you excruciatingly attractive, they like you heaps because you're as good at relationships as you are at sex. You give as much as you take; you masturbate both with and without your partner; and you aren't afraid to speak up in bed, encouraging your lovers to do the same. Flexible and gloriously liberated, you'll try anything once trust develops. Go straight to the head of the class!

Ehem.

Grin + Winks.

Enough said.

There He Goes...

He left me.
Without a word, he turns away.

He broke my heart into million pieces.
Without noticing it.

He left me clueless.
Without telling me his true feelings.

Rainbows & Butterflies...

"Thanks for the memories..."

Situasi

There's one day, a very good friend of mine buzz me up on ym;

nuril anwar: zara, ada band nak cari manager la. zara nak tak?
zara322_g: ye ke? band apa? zara ok je la la la la~
nuril anwar: ok ok nanti nuril kasi no
zara zara322_g: oh ok ok.. haha yang tade experience nie jadi band manager.. hahaha
nuril anwar: hahhaa try jeeeee

Later on, I got a call from this dude, Ijam, calling me while I just woke up explaining to me about
the band. I then sms him, 'Can you please sms me the name of the band again?'. He replied, ' www.myspace.com/bunkface '. My eyes stop blinking. 'Bunkface?', I mentioned it a couple of times and then I straight away called Shinzu, "Bunny! omg omg omg, I might be Bunkface manager!". "You're serious?!", that's all he asked. "Yes! I can't believe it, we went to Laundry a couple of weeks ago and watched them..", "Bagus la tu..".

There you go, after a meeting, went to watch them performed at MCPA hall on 2nd November 2008, I knew, good thing will come.

My very first trip with them was to X-gig at Ipoh, Perak. I was damn nervous. I cried calling my best friend that I wanted to see her before I left and it's only for 2 nights. I had a fight with my bunny, because I wanted to talk to him as well. I left without saying goodbye.

Where X-gig is held

the band is interviewed by Shaz @ X.fm

During my journey, I can't believe that I'm actually leaving town with strangers. Worried I might not get along very well. Truth is, I did. I had so much fun there. I made new friends. The Tyre burst during the 3 hours journey. It was at km288.3 and I won't ever ever forget that. I was even called " hot "mum" ". I shall not name, name. Haha. I had 16 "children" to be taken cared. I remember how cute they all were.. I had to hold an umbrella to make them go to bed. Wake them up early and make sure they get breakfast and go to "school" (sound check) early. Fun.

Ijam "fixing" the Tyre

I shall not forget this.

crazy frigging awesome crowd!

with my "children"

with the X.fm crews and few of my "children"
(Bunkface and friends/entourage)

Lata Kijang, Perak

On the way back, we stopped at Lata Kijang, Perak. Beautiful. I walked all the way up to get nice shots. Wished I had a DSLR. Wished I knew how to use it as well. Tee Hee Hee. It was one of the best trips I had after a long time. Last I remembered it was to Port Dickson with my bunny and friends and that was few months ago.

Now, I'm at home. Sick. Boo Hoo Hoo.

I miss my bunny.

I miss my bestie.

I want my mommy.

Terima Kasih Cinta

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Tak mampu lagi berdiri
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Tak akan terulang lagi
Semua kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

Maybe Baby

Some people may find it funny when you're going away for 2 days where the place only takes up 2 hours of driving and you tell them you're scared and nervous at the same time. I felt that. I even cried to my best friend telling her I feel so sad leaving her behind. Not just her, my partner as well. But he's upset about me calling him so many times within an hour or two. maybe I've done that in the past to check on him. but now, I'm calling him just to talk to him before leaving. He may not understand it. He said he knew that he means a lot me but at one point while talking to him, he makes me think that he doesn't know it.

I just wanted to say goodbye, maybe not forever. Hopefully. Nauzubillah.

I just wanted to say that I love you, though I've told you so many times. I don't want it to be too late.

Maybe I'm having my pms. maybe it's just my nervous and scared feelings because I'm going away with some people that I barely know. Maybe. I don't know. I hope my journey will be ok and everything will be normal when I get back. Hopefully..

Like I said, I love you both. forever.

You are mine...

danial & me

reciting "Lestat, My Dark Angel"

reciting "You Left Me A Melody"

I was so nervous that I gulped quarter of my friend's beer. It was my very first recital. I've invited a few poets. Obviously they are good. That made me more nervous. Most of my friends were there. The most importantly, my partner and my bestfriend were there. I recited what I wrote for them. I had my very good friend, Rendra Zawawi to strum the guitar while I read "You Left Me A Melody". I then read, "You Are Mine", dedicated to my bestfriend of 15 years. The funniest part, I cried instead of her. Haha.. I love you both. You guys are important to me. Never ever forget that. Without you, there's no me...

Friendship

What is friendship? This is what I get from Wikipedia (I'm a lazy bum so I search online; easier.)

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

So here I am, sitting, wondering, what actually went wrong with my "close" friends. I do know friends come and go through stages. There are friends from your childhood, kindergarten, primary school, high school, college, work and some others, you got to know them through other people.

me with Arwah Shai/"madu"

I went through all those stages. I've gained and lost lots of them. Just recently, I lost another one.. He was my best friend's boyfriend of 4 years. I called him my "madu". That's because I gotta share her with him.. He has always been a good guy and at times, yes he can be a jerk but most of the time, he did take care of me as well. He passed away last 2 weeks, motorbike accident. A tragic one. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him. The last 4 years, they were together, I was with them. I saw their ups and downs, we actually shared it together. I remembered the 1st time they were together, how they got together, in a way, I help them as well. I gave my best friend's number to him. But I wasn't there for my best friend, before his last breath. I never got a chance to say goodbye.

It reminded me, another close friend of mine who passed away 4 years ago. She was my schoolmate. We sat together in class. After highschool, we went our separate ways and I got really busy and before she passed away, she did try to call me, and like what had happened, I never got a chance to say goodbye.

I still have few close friends, but this particular someone, who's actually pissed at me quietly. Until now she's not talking to me, for I know nothing about it. If I've never say this before to you, here I am, thanking you for what you've done to me, been there for and with me, thank you so much. You're still very dear to me. Maybe work got in between us. But whatever it is, I really appreciate you. The very 1st time I knew you until now. I'm sorry if I ever done or say wrongly to you. Oh, hell. it's friendship.

For the readers, don't you ever take your own sweet time to tell your friends that you love them. Thank them. Don't wait for any occasion. It might be too late. I've never felt so sad until now. Even now I'm crying thinking what I've not do or say to them..This is such a painful lesson in life..



Rest in peace my good friends, Shaiful Hannan (1985-2008) & Vicky Andayani (1984-2004) Al-Fatihah...

Broken Heart

Dan bila kau menghilang
Musnah lah, musnah impian
tuk menggapai bintang
terangi hidup ku
Ku mahu kau tahu
engkaulah, destinasiku
dalam ingatanku - Situasi