Blackwidow

Seeing you,
Hearing you,
Makes my life come true.

Staring these walls,
Making me fall,
Fall deeper into my darkest thoughts.

Surrounded by devils and monsters,
I hid myself at the darkest corner,
Where you can find me dying of hunger,
Hunger of lust, greed and wrath.

These sins,
Makes me wondering,
Where shall I begin.

I'm flying,
So I shall not be seen,
As I'm losing,
Losing myself into the deadliest sins.
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Somewhere Inside

I dedicate this song to you. Read the lyrics, and this is how I feel.

Who am I, love?
What am I supposed to be?
One life alone,
Oh somehow it's made for me

What do I do?
What can I say?
It's nothing new,
The choice was made
But what if I lose my way?
And run right into you,
Deep inside we'll never be anything other than lonely,
Tell me what does it take?
To breathe it into you,
Weak inside we'll never be anything other than lonely
One bleeding scar,
Still feels how it used to feel,
It's all so wrong,
No easy way to believe
What do I do?
What can I say?
It's nothing new,
The choice was made
But what if I lose my way?
And run right into you,
Deep inside we'll never be anything other than lonely,
Tell me what does it take?
To breathe it into you,
Weak inside we'll never be anything other than lonely
I wanna ride,
I wanna hide,
What I've become,
Now you're no longer mine,
I wanna feel,
Something that's real,
Somewhere inside
But what if I lose my way?
And run right into you,
Deep inside we'll never be anything other than lonely,
Tell me what does it take?
To breathe it into you,
Weak inside we'll never be anything other than lonely
I wanna ride,
I wanna hide,
What I've become,
Now you're no longer mine,
I wanna feel,
Something that's real,
Somewhere inside.

Zara Ismail

You Lost Me

I am done
Smoking gun
We've lost it all
The love is gone

She has won
Now its no fun
We've lost it all
The love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected,
And somehow you left me neglected

And we tried
How we cried
We lost ourselves
The love has died

Now I know you're sorry
And we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me.

Kiss me

Kiss me as if tonight is the last time. Kiss me because I'm afraid of losing you, again. I want to be close to you, to see myself in your eyes, to see you next to me, thinking by tomorrow, I'll be far away from you. Kiss me when you know I'm not gonna be here anymore.

For I'm leaving, just so you know, it's just the beginning.

You Are For Me

This is such a beautiful song. Touched me inside...

Check the lyrics here

Lonely

I have to admit, I feel lonely. Yes, I've been counting the days he has left me. I don't feel that sad, I'm still angry, yet, I miss him. It did cross my mind, perhaps, I miss the idea being with him. But that shows that I don't really love him, no? I do love him. I care about him still.

I feel empty. I feel lonely. I have the love, yet, I haven't found my someone special.

" It sucks to be alone, even when there are people all around you.. "

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

A Thousand Years

I'm ready to wait for you even a thousand years more.
But would it be true that I could live this long?
Let me go around from north to south.
I will not stop hoping. I'm ready, faithful.

I tried to follow you a thousand miles more.
But would it be true that my feet could walk this far?
Let the birds fly in their own way. Even if the ocean starts to shiver.
I'm still faithful.

Do you still long for this love?
Do you ever want this to last?

I'm ready to wait for you even a thousand years more.
But could it be true that I would live this long? Let me go around from north to south. I will not stop hoping. I'm ready, faithful.

Please don't lose your hope...Be ready...Be faithful...

Save Me

I wrote this 4 months back. Supposed to be a lyric. Here goes.

It's raining outside
And my heart is crying inside
I've paced my room
And fell asleep on the bed
Wishing that I won't wake

Reminiscing the memories we shared
Tears streaming down my face
The love that we had
Was just a phase

Time is cruel
I feel like a fool
Baby come and save me
Come and save me
Your love is cruel
I feel like a fool
Baby come and save me
Come and save me

You stuck a knife in my heart
You stabbed it so hard
How can this happen
When you said it'd be different

I'm still here
Thinking you'd hear
How hurt am I
And missing your lullaby

Time is cruel
I feel like a fool
Baby come and save me
Come and save me
Your love is cruel
I feel like a fool
Baby come and save me
Come and save me

Come and save me..

Zara Ismail

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Picture of my life / Part I

I came back from watching Sex and the City 2 with one of my girlfriends. Just to watch those fiction characters make me feel sad. Especially watching Mr Big and Carrie Bradshaw. I had a man, who was actually nice, patient, humble, understanding, in short, he was perfect for me. I had my very own Mr Big (he wasn't that "Big" after all and no, not talking about you know what you dirty minded people. hehe), and suddenly, he changed. He left without a real explanation. I was left hanging. Then, it just hit me. I was relying on him too much. He was always there for me and NOW he's no longer part of me. I've slipped again. I admit that I'm not fully recover from this bad break up. I'm still bruised inside. I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel. I know I've been depressed and I'm still in denial. Only my sister and true friends are giving me the support. I don't know where to start, not to think about him is a lie. He's always on my mind (Yes, you. I know you do read my blog).

I'm stuck here thinking what have I done wrong to you, and yes, I'm still trying figure out what happened. He has been the biggest part of me. Now, I no longer have him. Yes, I kept on repeating because I want to set a reminder to myself I'll be okay. I'm exhausted for feeling this way. I'm only human. I can't help for feeling sad, missing him. I've never met someone like him. I've met guys along the way, I shall not name names, but they all belong to other people. I'm afraid when other men come close to me. I do miss having someone who actually cares about me and I'm talking about someone special. It's been almost 5 months. Time flies so quickly and yet I feel he left me yesterday. Deep down, nothing can make me feel better. With my luck with jobs (which I'm jobless now), I don't have any other thing to make myself busy except with family and friends. They all have their own life. I'm still stuck here. Everyone are moving forward. I'm stuck here. Hear me please.

All I wanted is to have that comfort which I had previously, and God took it away. I know He has better plans for me, but I'm tired of waiting. I want Him to take away my sorrows. I should be thankful there are other people out that suffering. I'm still lucky. I'm rambling about lots of stuffs. I stopped writing my novel because I don't have my muse. I've lost it again. I've lost a lot of things that excites me.

I love you still Danial Radzmi Roslan. There, I've said it publicly. I don't care what people says how stupid am I to still love you. I tried so hard to let go, and I'm still holding on. I know you're moving on. I know that for sure. No one could ever take your place. You will always have that special place in my heart. I'm tired of lying to myself. I'm still in love with you. That's all I could say. I miss you each day, especially those days when I have so many things that I'd like to share it with you and you're not there anymore. You there, but it's not the same at all. Things are not the same anymore. I'm trying adapt. It's weird, awkward but I'm still trying. I'm not giving up. I remembered why you fell for me, and I'm not the same person and so are you. I've always wondered how things would be if we're still together. I've always wonder will you ever come back again. I've always thought about it. I kept on telling myself we're not meant to be but it's not working. I tried to remember the worst side of you, yet, you've done so many things that I'm thankful for. I believed there were reasons we met, reasons for good times, reasons for bad times and most importantly a reason we ended it. It's not that we weren't meant for each other, we weren't ready for forever. Somehow, I know we'll meet again, not quite sure where and when. For now, it's goodbye. Just let me keep these pain, these love until I know I fall out of love.

This is the picture of my love life.

"Danial, I've always loved you and will always love you. Ingat sampai bila bila."

 


Zara Ismail