New Life, New Year, Hello 2012.

I welcomed 2012 all alone. Watching the  fireworks, reflecting what happened in 2011.

A lot has happened in 2011. Bitter painful memories. yet towards the end of it, everything seems magical. I've finally experienced life on my own. Without these two men whom meant a lot to me -- My late father (you'll always be in my heart papa..) and my ex of 4 years (you taught me a lot and has always been there for me). I've always depended on them, finally I'm on my own two feet. I can't believe myself that I am this strong to go on without being dependant on anyone. I depended on myself. Alhamdulillah...

I've met a lot of people, and most of them became very dear to me. I don't know how else to thank everyone who has come into my life now, who supported, taught and guided me. This year 2012, I do not have any resolutions. I want to live the way I am right now, free and happy, without any dramas. I'm embracing it every moments that happened in life.

Here's to 2012.

A better year for all of us financially, career, family, friendship and love.

Rock on!

The End

"It's funny how that one person you always use to talk to and have meaningful conversations with you is now a complete stranger and act like they never knew in the first place..."

 Zara Ismail

Luka dihati..

Angin yang bertiup dengan kencang,
seperti perasaan memberontakku ini..
Memberontak kerana kesedihan...
Memberontak kerana kesunyian...
Memberontak kerana keseorangan...

Hatiku luka.

Hujan yang membasahi bumi,
seperti air mataku yang membasahi pipi..
Menangis kerana kesedihan...
Menangis kerana kesunyian...
Menangis kerana keseorangan...

Hatiku luka.

Aku tak mampu lagi menutup kesayuan ini,
Aku kesepian.
Aku tak mampu lagi menyelidung keperitan ini,
Aku kesedihan.

Hatiku luka.

Brave New World

Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January.Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Year resolutions.Put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance of a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not a day on a calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope.A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing that we can have a new beginning. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are a few things really worth holding on to.

It's been awhile. I've been busy. Not dead. Still breathing.

Tasks:-

• Managing Bunkface - shows back to back (been a crazy month for me)
• Running events at Lepaq (finally quits and 26th Dec 08 was my last gig)
• Running my own company (finally registered and doing a few projects with my partner, Meor Ezarim)
• Spending time with my bestfriend, Atie and my dearest sister, Nelly (both going through hard time)
• Saving my "companionship" (in a way, since both him and I are busy, we hardly spend time together and mostly it's about work and I totally forgot how does it feels)

By today, midnight, it's 2009. I don't really have a long list for resolutions, but I do know what I want.

Goals:-

• Making sure my babies, hence, Bunkface, grow to the next level - Sunburst KL, Melbourne, Singapore, Indonesia.
• My company ; READY STEADY GO EVENTS, do lots of events 
• Malaysian Festival in Melbourne - 3rd October 2009 (gift for my 25th birthday)
• Still breathing
• Happy with him

It's gonna be a brave new world out there for me. InsyaAllah. I've been waiting for these moments. InsyaAllah, I'm gonna make it through.. 

Happy New Year folks! May all your dreams come true.. I do.

Welcome 2009, Goodbye 2008.

Zara Ismail

Rainbows & Butterflies...

"Thanks for the memories..."

Situasi

There's one day, a very good friend of mine buzz me up on ym;

nuril anwar: zara, ada band nak cari manager la. zara nak tak?
zara322_g: ye ke? band apa? zara ok je la la la la~
nuril anwar: ok ok nanti nuril kasi no
zara zara322_g: oh ok ok.. haha yang tade experience nie jadi band manager.. hahaha
nuril anwar: hahhaa try jeeeee

Later on, I got a call from this dude, Ijam, calling me while I just woke up explaining to me about
the band. I then sms him, 'Can you please sms me the name of the band again?'. He replied, ' www.myspace.com/bunkface '. My eyes stop blinking. 'Bunkface?', I mentioned it a couple of times and then I straight away called Shinzu, "Bunny! omg omg omg, I might be Bunkface manager!". "You're serious?!", that's all he asked. "Yes! I can't believe it, we went to Laundry a couple of weeks ago and watched them..", "Bagus la tu..".

There you go, after a meeting, went to watch them performed at MCPA hall on 2nd November 2008, I knew, good thing will come.

My very first trip with them was to X-gig at Ipoh, Perak. I was damn nervous. I cried calling my best friend that I wanted to see her before I left and it's only for 2 nights. I had a fight with my bunny, because I wanted to talk to him as well. I left without saying goodbye.

Where X-gig is held

the band is interviewed by Shaz @ X.fm

During my journey, I can't believe that I'm actually leaving town with strangers. Worried I might not get along very well. Truth is, I did. I had so much fun there. I made new friends. The Tyre burst during the 3 hours journey. It was at km288.3 and I won't ever ever forget that. I was even called " hot "mum" ". I shall not name, name. Haha. I had 16 "children" to be taken cared. I remember how cute they all were.. I had to hold an umbrella to make them go to bed. Wake them up early and make sure they get breakfast and go to "school" (sound check) early. Fun.

Ijam "fixing" the Tyre

I shall not forget this.

crazy frigging awesome crowd!

with my "children"

with the X.fm crews and few of my "children"
(Bunkface and friends/entourage)

Lata Kijang, Perak

On the way back, we stopped at Lata Kijang, Perak. Beautiful. I walked all the way up to get nice shots. Wished I had a DSLR. Wished I knew how to use it as well. Tee Hee Hee. It was one of the best trips I had after a long time. Last I remembered it was to Port Dickson with my bunny and friends and that was few months ago.

Now, I'm at home. Sick. Boo Hoo Hoo.

I miss my bunny.

I miss my bestie.

I want my mommy.

Only you

I tried to calm this sadness in my heart,
Pictures of you walking away;
Memories of you lingering around my mind.

Story of the past,
Story of you and me,
Memories.

I shouldn't have let you go,
I'm dying inside.
When would this pain go away?
Only you can help
Only you are capable.

(circa 2005)

Wallflower

Home...

strolling by the white sandy beach,

listening to the waves lapping,

-- soft breeze caressing my skin,

aah.. the smell of the ocean;

brings peace to me.

It's my bliss,

I'm back to where I left my heart and soul;

I am home.

Sweetest Escape...

And so I've gone away and disappeared for almost a week now..
For the first time in my entire life, I traveled all alone without thinking.
My heart's been broken..
Been away to amend it.
Get rid all those "thoughts".
Made few friends..and I love it here.
I fell in love with the island.
It's the greatest memory for me so far and I shall do it again...
I've never felt so peace after quite some time..
I found my soul mate..
I found my bliss..
It's my sweetest escape.. =)

xoxo,
Zara D.

*forever in my memory*

Bad Love Good Sex

I read this article featured in Female magazine. It's from February 2008 issue. interesting topic to read and to be discuss.

"The pleasure and excitement derived from sexual enjoyment is an important drive, but sex is also about expression of commitment and positive regard for a partner and a product of love and intimacy. Ideally in a loving relationship, all elements are present and work in concert with each other. Sometimes pleasure and excitementcan be seemingly dissociated from all else as in "casual" anonymous sex with strangers, or partners who hate each other but may occasionally recognize "they still have needs". Sex can also serve the purpose of "control", to manipulate a partner and be used as "currency" to trade for each other needs in a relationship. Sometimes it is even used as a symbol of domination or submission og one party over the other." -- Dr Calvin Fones, Consultant Psychiatrist, Gleneagles Hospital, Singapore.

Don't anyone agree on this? For me, part of it. As I used to experience it. In this article, there are three women share how a dysfunctional love life which they can call relationship that doesn't get in the way of coupling:-
a. Married, but available.
b. Sex with ex.
c. Faking it.


I think there must be a few more. Been there done that. the B. It's way different than i think. I rather having it with someone that i know instead of with random guys like in the article wrote, "helping old lovers out when the urge strikes.". Enjoying it at the same time because it is way better than before since there is no more wall. Funny how it works.Now, all left are memories. Something that i'd remember..

Funny yet strange weekend.

i encountered strange incidents during the weekends.
when i think about it,i laughed.
spend it with this ex of mine. the current one. hurm, let's call him ex5.

we never do that when we were together. hung out just the 2 of us. it was wonderful. the best after we broke up. weird isn't it?

moi : "yknow, we made the right choice.."
ex5 : "yeah we did.."
we smiled.

on Sunday, i wasn't feeling that well. ex1 called to check on me. ex3 called to ask me out. huh?
Later that night i went to nbt. listening to mia singing...

sayunya hati aku...
I smiled.

ouh. i went there with ex5 which we then bumped with his ex. hurmm.. ex2 of his. haha. please don't get confuse. we said hi to each other [weeeiiiird~] and then while sitting by the stairs, another of his ex, urrmm.. ex3 walking up. [omg.funny.lol]. At the end of the show, we then bumped again with ex3, she said;

his ex3 : "get a petition.you're gonna be in the picture with him.."

moi : "it's up to him. I'm no longer with him."

we both walked away. [we're talking about him wanting to do dreadlock.]

it's kinda weird actually.i don't know how does he feels that night. he said to me once; "i don't believe in coincidences.. ".

But if i were him, I'm gonna be quite surprised. thinking.. "OMG. this is weird. i think i gotta do something. maybe change my name and move somewhere else?"

ouh wait. i dreamt that this morning. waking up. my best friend laughed at me, "kau mengigau dowh..".

funny yet strange.

Lover, You Should've Come Over.

I was once introduced to this song by someone I truly love..
I remembered the first time he played this song on his pda when we were lying down under the stars at bittersweet,KL Pac February last year. The day I fell for him. =)

Every time I hear this song, it reminds me of him. The greatest things happened in my life when he was with me. The best memories ever. Though we've broken up, we remained as good friends. Most of my close friends are so afraid I'm gonna get hurt. Honestly, I've never been happier now. To tell the truth, part of me is so sad but we wanted it to end. It's the best for the both of us.

I'm blessed to know him. I'm a better person because of him. He taught me a lot of things. I thank God for sending him to me. I dedicate this blog to him. To my previous love, my good friend now, Danial Radzmi Roslan.

great times shared together..

Thank you for everything.
Wishing you well in everything you do.
Never ever forget, I'll always be there.

Zara D.

I'm not dead.Still Alive.

I haven't blog for awhile. Doesn't mean that I'm dead. Things are pretty okay lately. My life is getting better each day.

Alhamdulillah..

Been really busy and making myself busy too... ha ha ha.

It's been good for me. Met couple of old friends. Reminiscing old memories. Definitely will upload the pictures soon. Here are a few from early December'07 until recently..

Girls night out @ Cynna, KL.


Eyes On Malaysia.


moi + chris wee @ Hankook Tyre Launch, Sunway Hotel Resort.


moi + bear bear @ Abang Izat's Wedding, Selangor.


moi, didi + shida @ Plaza Mont Kiara, KL.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

Always for you

"I miss you..."

No regrets

Yesterday was a sad day.
I've never expect it too soon.

He was like a grandfather to me.
I never got a chance to say goodbye.

I saw his body.
I gave him last kiss.
I didn't go to his funeral.

I cried.
Only tears of sadness.
Not regrets.

I feel like I'm losing more.
But this is life.
They say, "Life's a bitch."
I used to agree.
I take as it is..
All I have now are memories..


"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." - Somerset Maugham

Mortality

kulihat jenazah di hadapanku,
terbujur kaku..

tangisan teresak-esak didengari;
surah di baca tanpa berhenti..

saudara banjiri halaman rumah.
menziarahi.

"Takziah.."

mataku kabur.
bergelinang air mataku di tubir mata.

hanya Allah yang tahu...

Usah tangisi yang sudah pergi...

"The clouds that gather round the setting sun, Do take a sober coloring from an eye, That hath kept watch o’er man’s mortality."-William Wordsworth

unforgettable..

last weekend was one of the best week and worse week of my life..
it was merdeka's eve and my beloved sumone had to canceled me last minute because of unavoidable reasons. well, it did shattered my heart and pissed me off but i have to see on the bright side cause there's always a GOOD reason behind it. anyway, i went off to bar flam at sunway with my girlfriends and enjoyed the fireworks with the "mat rempits" that they blast from sunway lagoon. it was fun but it wouldn't be the same if danial was there.. then, later on i joined my friend at bamboo, ttdi plaza. it's awesome place! love the crowds there. am waiting the pictures from ida,oza's sister in law. i'll post it soon.

well,that's on 30th of August 2007. Happy 50th Birthday Malaysia!! so the next day on 31st August 2007, Friday, my darling boyfriend took me out the whole day [making it up to me..and i really appreciate it!thanks baby~ i know u sayang me so much,and i sayang you too.. !]. we went to catch a movie at Summit USJ. we watched "The Invasion". it was played by Nicole Kidman and that dude from the latest james bond sumthing craig if i'm not mistaken. so anyway the movie was adrenaline rush.it's quite good. kinda like it. at first it was scary..imagine u get infected by this alien dna and then evolve to a very dull person.so boring. but anyway, after the movie, we went to have late lunch at pizza uno at taipan and shoot off straight to central market. there's a merdeka event going on. there was a few bands playing.i don't even know who the line ups were. i didn't really enjoyed it because it was hot and too many people there. met a couple of old friends. especially shahida (friends of 14-15 years.). she opened up a booth to sell her stuffs. basically funky clothes.

after a while, we convoyed to No Black Tie. There's a Merdeka showcase. It's a beautiful place. Located at Lorong Mesui, Jln Nagasari off Jln Raja Chulan behind Istana Hotel. We had a glass of wine accompany with wonderful singer-songwriter performing such as Reza Salleh (ouh ouh i have the biggest crush on him!his voice is soooo wonderful~ la la la) , Mia Palencia , Izzy, Zalila Lee, Pete Teo, Isaac Entry and of course Azmyl Yunor (damn cool lecturer.reminds me of Aby Huraira but Azmyl is cooler.no offense aby!). There are even poerty reading by Bernice Chauly and jokes told by Amir Muhammad ("it's with double Ms and a U and i'm new on facebook." hahahha!) and Phang Khee Theik ("it's still bleeding.." eew eew but funny!). the show started at 10 and ended around 1++am. it's worth of going. thank you baby for taking me there. it's one of the highlights of the year for me. we should do that again every once a month BUT this time just me and you please..here are a couple of photos of me and danial at NBT.

our "moment"

moi + D. @ No Black Tie

well, the next day, 1st September 2007 (ouh my god it's september already!!), we spent times together then meet up my parents at Taman Permata, KL. Layter on we went to Naili's ampang..ouh it's been awhile i haven't see abang lee, mil and abang zul. really missed them. actually nothing much happen on the 1st except we went to farrah's 22nd birthday bbq. ouh she's eizaq's new gf. very decent girl. most of the time she's quiet. she's very talented!! i love it when she plays the piano. ouh k~ she has grand piano!! been wanting to play piano for ages and i got that chance! I haven't touch the piano for more than 10 years. i remembered smashing the piano after all of my family members kept comparing me to farah (my cousin which is the same age as i am and who is an intelligent person and talented and an angel.). i'm totally the opposite. what can i do,i'm the black sheep of the family.and i really enjoyed doing it too~ give them some entertainment. hahahha~ =P anyway, the party was one of the best! quite hillarious! imagine, ok ok i dun want to get sum people offended. so i apologize in advance yeahhhh~

the bbq was held at farrah's house opposite of KGNS, Kelana Jaya. so most of the guest was her relatives. makcik pakai tudung and all.. this is the first bbq party i went that has a DJ (ok.the dj was quite bad.playing bsbs' songs?) and they have laser light (ouh kalo time2 tgh syiok party tuh konfem sasau) and they have smoke machine!! wah wah wah~ cool gile okaayyy~ so after the karaoke session (mostly it was fully utilized by Eizaq and sabby. ouh sabby has a wonderful voice.loike it!),it's party time.. (yeah when it was karaoke session it's not considered as party yet.)! so the dj put on few songs like beyonce,j.lo, and many more (lazy laaa to cracked up my head and remember the songs) then we were like "it's farrah's party,lets dance and not spoil the party" and so we did until all the aunties with tudung joined us at the "dance floor" doing some sort of dirty dancing.it's cool but it's hilarious! couldn't imagine it one of them were my mom! ouh my god!! Na'uzubillah~ here are few pix from the party taken by my wonderful boyfriend. as usual he'll be the unofficial photographer which is good for him to practice more on the skills.

l to r : sabby, bday gal + moi

sabby + eizaq - our entertainer

r to l : our mr latip and eizaq's bro nhis gal (i kept forgetting his name!)

told ya! got prove! but they are damn cool~

see got laser light summore...

cute couple!

very talented gal u hv there eizaq!

it was such a good night. while on my way back home (at usj 16) i feel so sad, i have to break the news to my bro in law and sister that i'm moving out. i feel sad coz i won't be able to hear my nephews calling me dede... plus now my sis is pregnant so im afraid she's gonna get so sensitive.
once i've reached home,i met my bro in law.broke the news, and guess what he said, "i knew from the start already." . ces, buat penat aku je risau..but when i broke the news to my sis,i hugged her and cried saying im sorry for the things i did if i ever hurt her feelings and i told her how much i missed talking to her and i feel so sad i gotta leave subang.gotta leave home.so,i went upstairs to my room..packed up few important things then go to bed.

2nd september 2007 -- hari ini dalam sejarah, saya telah pindah ke ken damansara condo at damansara intan. wahlauweih..my housemate are quite nice people.segan pon ada.so we went for furniture hunting and bought a 3 seater sofa,tv rack and a dining table from cavenzi. layter on danial came and picked me up,went for dinner at syed bistro ss19 (god!! cant the service get any worse??).we waited for the rest of the group and shoot off to putrajaya to see the fireworks.
horibble traffic!!! but it's worth of going though we didnt reached our real destination since everyone were supposed to meet up by 730pm at syed bistro but all came late as usual.i'm still waiting the photo from danial but here are few pictures of moi,danial,adi,eizaq and farrah.

terrer kn bf saya amek gambar??hehehe..that firework was launched from canadian team.it was splendid! right after the show we all went back to subang, dropped eizaq and farrah at syed bistro then adi,danial and moi headed to asia cafe for supper.we stayed there til late.real late. i really had fun last weekend,though at first it sucks,but after that it turned out ok.. thanks to my baby..sayang you!! thanks for th e whole weekend ye sayang..especially No Black Tie Merdeka Showcase. we really should do that again JUST THE TWO OF US.. anyway, i think i've blogged long enough,and i'm hungry and my dear boss is waiting for me.gotta go now..kisses~

Zara D.