The Good Old Days

Today is such a great day. I finally had my girls night out. I miss it. I miss them. :)

Alone with loneliness

I'm sitting here,
Thinking bout,
How I'm gonna do without,
You around in my life,
And how am I gonna get by,
Ain't got no days,
Just lonely nights,
If you want the truth,
Well boy I'm not alright,
Feel out of place,
And out of time,
I think I'm gonna lose my mind

I miss your face,
I miss your kiss,
I even miss the arguments,
That we would have,
From time to time,
I miss you standing by my side,
I'm dying here,
It's clear to see,
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me,
Don't wanna live,
I wanna die,
If I can't have you in my life

So tell me how you feel
-- I'm lonely
Are you for real?
-- So lonely
Do you still think of me?
-- I think of you
Do you dream of me at night?
-- Like I dream you all the time

Oh let me tell you how it feels
-- It's like everyday I die
Wish I was dreaming but it's real
-- When I open up my eyes
Oh let me tell you how it feels
-- And don't see your face
I think that I will never love again

Don't Wanna Try

They hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
how I wish things would of happened so differently
I tried to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
Had to wake up face reality

Everything we had.. is just down the drain.
All those memories..
I wish I could erase it.

Love You Til The End

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you 'till the end

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you 'till the end

Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection

You said move on
But where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know..

How do I get better
Once I've had the best?

You're the best,
I'm thinking of you..
Thinking of you..
What would you do if
You were the one who was spending the night
I wish I was looking into your eyes

Won't you walk through
and bust in the door
and take me away
No more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..

What Hurts The Most

How strong am I?

It's been awhile. I know I've been very quiet, very reserved. I just want to be alone right now. I'm just like a zombie. I haven't slept for 4 days. I don't go out. I hate these feelings. Feeling of emptiness. There's a big void. Knowing he's not around anymore, making it harder for me.

I just felt like my right leg is chopped off. I haven't done anything stupid because I made a promise to him and myself. I don't remember moving on is this hard. Very very hard. I felt like, losing a dead lover is easier compared to know he's alive and bound to bump into. I hate this. All the familiar faces. All those places, reminds me so much of him. I can't even sleep in my own room. I just sit down and cry my eyes out. I don't care anymore how hurt it is. As long as I can get this pain go away. Far far away.

I kept on staring at the phone everyday, hoping for a miracle. To take this pain away. I've been thinking, leaving is the best way. BUT running away doesn't do me any good. Only coward will runaway.

i don't know. I can't think clearly anymore. At times, I think, doesn't he misses me at all.. I know it's best for both him and I.. I'm just not ready. Losing him at this time. BUT if not now, when? Definitely do not want to go on and on same old thing. I hate this.

Part of me loves him a lot. I want him around. I need him around. I have lots of people to support me but it's not the same having him around. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.

Time is too slow. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy. As much as I want to drop everything and cry everyday, I can't. I just want this pain to go away. Just go.

When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you..

- Avril Lavigne

Close to the Flame

The kiss - sweetest
And touch - so warm
The smile - kindest
In this world - so cold and strong

The arms - safest
And words - so good
The faith - deepest
In this world - so cold and cruel

So close to the flame
Burning brightly
It won't fade away and leave us lonely 

- Ville Valo

Luka dihati..

Angin yang bertiup dengan kencang,
seperti perasaan memberontakku ini..
Memberontak kerana kesedihan...
Memberontak kerana kesunyian...
Memberontak kerana keseorangan...

Hatiku luka.

Hujan yang membasahi bumi,
seperti air mataku yang membasahi pipi..
Menangis kerana kesedihan...
Menangis kerana kesunyian...
Menangis kerana keseorangan...

Hatiku luka.

Aku tak mampu lagi menutup kesayuan ini,
Aku kesepian.
Aku tak mampu lagi menyelidung keperitan ini,
Aku kesedihan.

Hatiku luka.

All over again

It's just one of those days, after a long time not arguing. Small matter turned into a big thing. I just understand it. Today you're okay, and the day after you're not. I've tried so hard not to bother, demand things that I know I won't get it, what else do you want? I even have to find entertainment outside so I won't bother you. Aren't you grateful enough? What is it this time? The last time you've change is because of her. NOW?

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of getting attention from other people. I'm tired of these nonsense. I'm already unhappy. Tried to be. Pretending to be. Denying the facts.

I'm doing my best to change. I can't do it all alone. Stop being this way. Just stop.

He's just NOT that into you

I read the book, I saw the movie. Here's my experience.

1. If he said he'll call you but he didn't - NOT INTERESTED
2. If he said he'll see you in a bit but cancelled the last minute - NOT INTERESTED
3. If he's sleeping with someone else while going out with you - NOT INTERESTED
4. If he said that he broke up with his girlfriend and told you that you're hot - JUST WANT TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS
5. If he said he has a girlfriend and still going out with you - NOT INTERESTED and JUST WANT TO GET INTO YOUT PANTS
6. If he said he'll be your friend after a few date - NOT INTERESTED
7. If he said he's not into marriage - NOT INTERESTED
8. If he said he wants to continue the relationship just as partner - NOT INTERESTED
9. If he said nice meeting you and hug after a date - NOT INTERESTED
10. If he takes your number and NOT call you more than a week - NOT INTERESTED

Well, that's more than enough. Been through it all. Lesson taken. Unfortunately, I'm always attracted to selfish bastards. It's a good book though. Something I learned and would love to pass it down to the readers. :)

All the best in finding Mr. Right.

Suicide or Song

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light,
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes...

I heal my wounds with grief;
-- And dream of you,
And weep myself alive...

In Joy and Sorrow

Wondering what's going on.. Suddenly it is so quiet. I know what I want.

I've made up my mind, but at the end, I got heartbroken.

Waiting and waiting.

" Seperti menunggu bulan jatuh ke riba.. "

In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms

in world so hollow

it is breaking my heart