Let It Go

I'll begin to let you go
When the sunlight melts the snow
Every night I drive away from you
I see the mountains I have to move

It's hard like hell tonight to sleep
To close my eyes would admitting my defeat

And you there you don't care
I wonder if you wanted me like I wanted you

It's a lonely truth
That I can't change you
And you sure can't change me

 I did't let go... You pushed me away...

Tattoo

The way you used to look at me, the way you said my name.
The way you used to laugh and joke, I’ll never be the same.

The way we used to talk all day, & stay up late at night.
The way I used to get so jealous, & have our stupid little fights.

The things you used to say to me, the way it used to be.
I know I’ll never get it back, because I know you’re over me.

People hated us together, but we never gave it a thought.
I gave up everything I had for you, & you never gave it a second thought.

You took my heart in minutes from the first time I saw you.
From the first time I heard your voice, I fell hard and fast, & you knew it too.

You made me all these promises, I thought that you would keep.
But it’s obvious now, it was just me who believed.

 The day it ended, I’ll never forget.
Waking up the next morning, with my pillow soaking wet.

Crying myself to sleep, for days on end.
Wearing a fake smile, with a heart impossible to mend.

I know you’re done with those feelings, & never will think twice..

You’re name will be a permenent mark on my heart, for the rest of my life.

Hesitate

The human heart is a scary part in fact
'Cause I could break you and you could break me back
Though my head says just forget it
You'll get hurt and you'll regret it
Ask me now and I won't hesitate

So many cards that never leave the deck
There comes a time when you have to place your bets
and I've never been a gambling person
But if you want to see my hand
Ask me now and I won't hesitate

I thought about it long and hard today
I realized I'm standing in our way
Usually my judgement's better
But with your black eyes, hey whatever
Ask me now and I won't hesitate

'Cause I'm fearful of heights and you take me higher
What came with you was a view to admire
I've always been the kind to contemplate
But you like the kind that don't hesitate 

Excuse me while I fall for you...

Thank you note...

Sometimes, I wonder, how can I moved on so quickly. At times, yes, I admit that I do miss him.. but just for a moment. Unpacking the boxes I just moved into my sister's place, when I saw the stuffs we bought together, going to places we used to go, listening to the songs in my lappy, buying groceries and many more... That reminded me so much of "us". I've been making myself busy with work, with family and friends. I tend to say I like this guy, "falling" for that guy, but it all ain't true.

I realized, when he's gone, all the familiar faces are gone too. Exactly like Avril Lavigne's song - "When You're Gone". I don't feel lonely. I don't. I just feel sad because it had to end the way it ended. When someone comes closer to me, I hesitate, I ran. Wound is still there. I know I'll be okay.

A friend used to ask me, would I wait for him or someone like him.. I said, " I won't find someone like him, and to wait for him is no point because we both wanted to lead our own life. My someone new will come along the way. I don't have to look, not because I'm tired or hurt, but because I know, he'll come around. "


I can't stop the way I feel. It's alright to do so. It's healthy. I'm happy for my friends who are attached and married. I'm not jealous of them..because one day, my time will come. Day by day, I grew stronger and I'm proud of myself. I shall never mourn forever. I may think he used to be the ONE, because when we held hands, it felt right, both head and heart. We outgrew ourselves.

For what's worth, it was one of the best three years of my life. To be with him, to have him, to love him and to be loved by him. It was and I will always treasure it for the rest of my life..

Thank you D.

Please Don't Stop The rain

I don't know where I crossed the line
Was it something that I said
Or didn't say this time
And I don't know if it's me or you
But I can see the skies are changing
In all the shades of blue
And I don't know which way it's gonna go

I thought that time was on our side
I've put in far too many years
To let this pass us by
You see life is a crazy thing
There'll be good time and there'll be bad times
And everything in between
And I don't know which way it's gonna go

We're a little closer now
And finding what life's all about

I know you just can't stand it
When things don't go your way
But we've got no control over what happens anyway

If it's gonna be a rainy day
There's nothing we can do to make it change
We can pray for sunny weather
But that won't stop the rain
Feeling like you got no place to run
I can be your shelter 'til it's done
We can make this last forever
So please don't stop the rain

Let it fall
Just can't stop the rain

Let it fall

Please don't stop the rain...

The End

"It's funny how that one person you always use to talk to and have meaningful conversations with you is now a complete stranger and act like they never knew in the first place..."

 Zara Ismail

My Heart

I miss you.

Yes, you. 

Fall from the Star

This is a story about someone I truly love. Someone who has been in my life for the past 26 years. I love her so much that I wish I could give the world, the universe, everything to her. Just for her happiness. I may not show much affection towards her before this. She has always been there for me. She's my happy pill. She's an angel that has fallen from the star.

For the past 9 years, she has gone through something that no woman should have. I'm not going to say here outloud what had happened to her. Whenever I see her down, my heart cries out for her, yet, I have to stay strong. For her. For the kids. She and the kids are the love of my life. I can't really go on a day without talking to her. I know she's hurting inside. I've always and will pray that happiness will come for her.

What ever that makes her happy, I'll accept it. No matter who made her. No matter what made her.

Nana,

If I could change everything for you, I would. If I could meet up with God and ask him personally what did you do to deserve all these? I would. But I can't. All I can is to be next to you no matter what happen. All I can is to pray for your happiness. Because you're one and only sister that I have. Dunia, akhirat. I love you Ainur Nelisa Ismail. You're angel of my life, that fall from the star. I love you..

Love always,
Zara Ismail

Rarely Spoken

Funny when I tend to like someone so easily. It's just infatuation. I'm not ready for a relationship. I thought I did, but when someone comes close to me, I tend to push him away. The old wound is still fresh. I am interested in this guy. If he's interested, he'll show it to me.

I rarely talk to him. I rarely see him.

He knows I don't want to get rid of him out of my life.

True Feelings

Days when we were happier... (circa 2009)

I've been hurt too many times. Guess, I chose the wrong man most of the time. For the past few days, yes, I've been thinking a lot about that particular person who broke my heart. I have to admit, I now feel the heartache after a month plus of breaking up. Probably, the person who broke my heart after he did, triggered it. I hate to think and feel about it, but I know I have to go through it. I will always pray Danial will have someone else who can treat him that he deserves. Yes, he broke my heart into pieces, but I forgave him. I know we're better off on our seperate ways.

God, I actually typed his name after a month plus. Oh well, life is full of shite. I'm happy to be surrounded by my loved ones. I never regretted being with him for the past 3 years. I learned a lot. I grew up.

Danial, I hope you're happy, because I am.

"Orang yang mencintai kamu akan selalu mengingati setiap kejadian yang dia lalui bersama kamu, bahkan mungkin kejadian yang kamu sendiri sudah melupakannya, karena saat-saat itu ialah saat yang berharga untuknya. dan saat itu, matanya pasti berkaca. karena saat bersamamu tidak selalu terulang."

Forgive me

While blogging this, I feel like ripping out my heart. It hurts. Not the old wound. I was mean to someone. This particular person I just met. I'm sorry dear. I'm good at hurting people. Especially my loved ones.. That's for sure.

For what's worth, I'm sorry.