Life As It Is

I've started my new life. I'm blessed that I still have people who cares about me. I'm thankful I've met a few strangers who could guide me. I was scared to get close to the people around me because I always put high expectations.

Someone told me, "Changing is a lifelong process.". I really want to change. I want to change for the best. Learning mistakes what I've done in the past and owning it up. It takes courage to face oneself. It takes courage to put trust in oneself. It takes courage to be honest with oneself.

To undo the mistakes, its impossible and not. Some mistakes we can undo it, some mistakes not at all. Those that we can't undo it, we learned it, figure how to make things better. There are a lot of ways to resolve it and to resolve it, we have to not follow our emotions or heart. That was and still my fatal flaws. Never think carefully, rationally, logically.

We are still learning to get to know ourselves. Sometimes, I'm quite surprised with myself. I knew the old me, the person who used to be strong hearted and independent is still inside of me. I just shoved her away. I will be that person again. That is the real me. I hope she will come back soon.

Life has its own way teaching us new things, meeting new people. I do not want to give up anymore. I should not. I should be grateful for the things happened in my life. I now believe, why God kept on making me go through these rough roads, because He knows I can face it.

When there's a will, there's a way. Before loving someone else, I need to love myself. I have to. That's how much I owed myself.

Here's to a new start, a new beginning.


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First Love, You Are My Love

It took me 4 years, to realized, he is my first love. I thought I've experienced it. Truth is, I'm experiencing it now. That's the reason I've been hurting so much. It is this love that grow me maturedly slowly. It is this love that I've learned a lot, about life, family, friends, work and of course, love.

I've dated a lot of men, but never in my life, been so hard to let go. I thought the guy who came back into my life after 10 years was my first love but he was just a high school crush. Another guy I've dated for 3 years, he was my first long term relationship but he wasn't the one who took my breath away. He taught me about jealousy and trained me to be faithful and loyal.

Later on, after 4 years, fighting with the forces of nature, I realized, this man, right now in my life is my first love. No wonder it took me this long to let him go. I am afraid of losing the person who taught me a lot of things in my life. Who has never gave up on me. What I didn't realized, this man has given me more than I needed. It's time to let go and grow on my own.

It hurts when I typed each and every word right now. Deep down inside, I know I have to do what I should have done a long time ago. I never have the guts to do it because I might regret it. I know love will find the way back into my heart.

Thank you my first love for the most beautiful 4 years of my life. No words could describe how grateful and thankful I am to have you in my life.

Take care and I will always love you.