One and only

It's been 18 days since Alda's passing and somewhat things have turned around pretty well.

I thought I would be a wrecked. It was the opposite. I found my peace. I am in zen mode. It wasn't just me, it was all #TeamAlda.

For the past 3 months I've been isolating myself from people. I wanted to be with Alda, Uncle Aldwin & Auntie Zoraida and #TeamAlda. My performance at work went down. All the things that I loved became redundant to me. I became cold. I became my worst nightmare. I forced myself to work everyday. I wasn't as happy as I was.

How can I be happy at the moment? My friend, my brother, my colleague was in coma. He was lying helplessly. Fighting for his life. My daily routine were disrupted. Everyday, I would wake him up. I'd buy breakfast and we would go to work. We go to lunch together. We would make fun of each other. Most of every Thursday, we'd go to kick boxing class together. Most every Friday, we'd be partying at Barsonic, Zouk KL. Most of the weekends, we'd go to events or just outing with our "Entourage" group. That was the past 10-12 months before his passing.

When he collapsed, all I wanted was to drop everything and just be by his side. I was offended when someone told me, "Don't get offended but, he is just lying there. Life has to go on. What else can we do?". I was so angry. In my heart, "Is that what you say when you love someone? Is that how see things are?", but I kept it to myself. Just smiling.

I dedicate this song to you Alda

I kept all the emotions for 3 months until I decided to resign. I didn't want to work there anymore. I feel like there's nothing left for me but painful memories. I wanted to run away. My boss, who is a close friend of Alda, rejected my resignation and said, "Is this how you deal with it? By running away? Do you think Alda would like this?" and I broke down for the very first time. I admitted I couldn't go on. I wanted to but I don't know how. Instead, I thought I was giving too much trouble to the company, I'd resign,  to save my boss the trouble to fire me. Instead, he gave me a chance, he offered me a transfer to a different and new department. He acknowledged my skills. He understood what I went through. I knew what he told me was all right. 

I took that chance. I want to keep my promise to myself, to my boss and to Alda. I want to make sure what  Alda has helped me was worth it. I was given a chance to build new life. I went into the office after 9 days of Alda's passing. I am me again. At the same time, I am now doing my own business. I start just about 3 days before I enter the office. It was like something knocked my head and when I woke up, I tweeted, "Lai lai mari order the famous frozen MURTABAK RAJA.".

Business is doing alright, not so bad. Can't say much since I've just started it. I became myself again, the happy go lucky blondie. Not to mention, to a particular someone who actually have been there for me. The support given was priceless.

I am now at peace. Alhamdulillah.

I may be sad losing a very dear friend, a brother who would always be there for me, a colleague who believed in me, but I am at peace. I knew that he is now in a better place looking after us. Our guardian angel.

Alda's contribution to the music industry, legacy will always be remembered.

The Star Newspaper

15th June 2012

Alda's passing is a blessing in disguise. For me, I've gained 2 new parents, 11 brothers & sisters, 1 niece. 

Let us now celebrate his life. 

To Alda. 

Goodbye my dear friend, Alda Evan Tan

I don't know where to start.

I don't know how to start.

Here goes....

I've lost someone. He is my very dear friend, brother and colleague. He is someone whom I can never replace. For the past 5 years I've known him, he has never once, hurt me, left me. nor judged me. He has not just touched my heart, but hundreds and thousands of people. He is such an angel, the best son and brother, a friend who would always support and never give up on you and a talented musician.

For the past 3 months, he has been in coma due to his left brain capillary burst and everyday we would all pray that he'd survived. He didn't. Alda left us on 11th June 2012, at 4.45am peacefully. 


Looking back the days I've known him, he never failed to be there for me. He would always be there for me in ways he could ; late night drinking sessions, bbm-ing (even I don't have to say it, he'd text me up first), introducing me to the job now I'm working, sending me to Kpop concert (like a father would drive his daughter to a concert), to screen the guys I would date (in a fatherly tone he said, "What now? You ar, same shit, different boy" and he smiles), and the most important, he took care of me in his own way. 


He never failed to give me support. He never once looked down on me. He never did. He has taught me a lot. Those lessons are so precious that not even a soul could replace. 


Whenever we'd go partying, he will always be by my side, checking up on me. He knows I was trying to be strong, held my head up high and pretend I was okay. And fact is, when I'm drunk, he would come and hug me and just let me cry. He would say, "Why you cry? Aren't we all here for you? I am here." and he'd hug me and all those things that troubled me, went away. 


He is a man with passion. A man never gave up. A man who has such a big heart. He would help anyone, anybody who are in need. He was a fighter. 


The last time I saw him when he was still up and running doing the things he'd always do (complaining about the customers that emailed him, preparing for a music show), I was troubled by a call received from my sister. He knew I needed money to help and he came into my office and hugged me, then he pass RM50. He said, "Go rescue your sister. Be safe and don't worry, anything just bbm me.".


Later the next morning, at 7.16am, my colleague called me, "Zara, do you  know about Alda? He's been admitted to DSH (Damansara Specialist Hospital) and in coma now.". That news shocked me and we went straight to DSH. I held up my head high, telling myself, it's going to be okay. But when I walked into HDU, my heart stopped beating for few seconds. Seeing him lie helplessly with wires and tubes attached to him, I walked out and broke down. 


That's by far the worst moment in my life. Looking at someone who is so dear to me, that I loved most, in coma. Few hours later on, #TeamAlda was formed. 


A group of friends and family stepped in to help him and his parents. We found out that he had no insurance when he collapsed (He collapsed mid-way jamming for Kartel's show). These people who are known as #TeamAlda were the people who was once and still his friends.


The journey we (#TeamAlda) went through was the best journey I've experienced. We became a family. We  had a fall out but we stayed stronger. We never gave up and was holding it in together just for Alda, his dad and mom - Uncle Aldwin & Auntie Zoraida, his sister - Zona. We came from different background, race and  religion. We came together because of the love that Alda gave to us. 


Alda was in HDU for a good 2 and half month. We had to transfer him to different hospital because the funds/donations were running low. HUKM (Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia - I hope I got it right) was quite far for most of us. While he was there for the next 2 weeks, to be honest, we didn't once visit him. I'm assuming, everyone was busy with work and their life and as for me same here. There were work piling up. There were family issues needed to pay attention to. 


We all then received a text message by Uncle Aldwin on 6th of June, "Team, Alda is in a critical condition. Plz pray. Tq.". We all stormed to HUKM. We found out that one of his lungs collapsed due to pneumonia. We were told that he would not make it and we had to say our goodbyes. I just couldn't say goodbye. I think most of us didn't. We weren't ready. We were afraid. I knew I was. 


Losing someone who played a big role in your life ain't easy. It opened up my old wound. I remembered how it felt when my father passed away. I became very cold. We consoled each other. We prayed. We fought with God. All we were asking for one more chance. I was asking for God to give him and us one more chance. But if it's his time, then He can take Alda away.


For 5 straight days we were there, friends and family came and asked Alda to fight, saying it's not the time yet. And he did. He fought to stay around a bit longer. To say his goodbyes. I was quite fortunate to be there with him, to see his right eye opened but slightly. Tears were streaming his eyes. His breathing and physically responded to us (and that what makes us thought he'd survived). But it was all goodbyes. I finally took the courage and speak to him on 10th June 2012, 8.16pm (I never once took a chance to talk to him -- all I did was saying, "Hey, It's me Zara", I didn't know what else to say. I was always by his side, holding his hands and looked at him) , "Aldo, it's me Zara. Can you fight for us? I knew it sounded so selfish but we all here need you. Fight if you can. We are all here fighting with you. We can't win the battle without you. Fight if you can. But Aldo (that's what I normally called him), If you can't, you can let it go. We will be okay. I promised you that we will ..... (that's my promise to him and I won't say it here). I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I shall not fail you. Thank you for all the things you've done for me.". I wiped away my tears and walked away. 


At 8.37am, 11th June 2012, I woke up to a lot of missed calls, text messages, bbms, whatsapps. The day that I'm terrified of, came. The day that I decided to silent my phone for the past 3 months, it happened. Alda Evan Tan has left us all. I was the last one to be with him among friends. I'm thankful that I was given the chance to say my goodbye and apology.


People came for the next 4 days to pay their last respect. The funeral was such a beautiful one. He is blessed and loved by many. I may lose a friend, who is so important to me, but I've gained a family -- Uncle Aldwin, Auntie Zoraida, Zona and family and definitely #TeamAlda. He sure is an angel. 

#TeamAlda

l to r : Stanley Saw, dam Lobo, Keith Yap, Joanne Kay, Collin Chin, Zona Marie Sheppard - Tan, me, Nazmi Syazwan, Avril Chan, Mahani Izzati, Madeline Tan and Sandra Sodhy

Aldo,


I have no other words to say to you other than thank you. Thank you for all the things you've done for me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for putting up with my dramas. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your love. Thank you for bringing me a new family, new friends and new life. You will be forever missed. I shall not fail you. You've taught me a lot. May angels be with you and I know my dad will welcome  you with an open arms. He knows what you've done for me. I bet the first you'll say to my dad when you see him, "Uncle, you daughter arrr.." =) 


Thank you for the beautiful, amazing memories. 


I love you always. 

Alda and I at Global Battle of the Band sometime in 2009

Love,
Zara Ismail
(Your Kpop Drama Queen Z)

In loving memories...

Alda Evan Tan

May you Rest in Peace sayang...

"May Angels bear you on lofty wings to Paradise; 

May Heaven's music resound & rejoice with you presence."

Alda's favorite song from his band Car Crash Heart