The Private Affair, part trois

Is this coming to an end?

Part of me wishes and prayed that it isn't.
Part of me just want to walk away.

Again, I'm left with this confusion.

To be with you -- impossible.
To live without you -- can't imagine.

I felt the distance.
I have yet to get that courage to say goodbye.

How about you?

Not Dark Yet

2012 is coming to an end, It's been another tough year for me. Though lotsa shits has happened (please excuse my language), I'm very grateful that I'm still standing. 

I've lost my closest friend who meant the world to me. 
I've been fired, twice. 
I've reconciled and hopefully will remain as friends with certain people who was once and few who are still important to me.
I've seen true colours of certain people whom I've always thought they'd be different -- how naive of me.
I've been given a chance to start all over again.

Lastly,
I've fallen in love (which I never thought I'd opened up my heart).
It wasn't a mistake though I got my heart broken. It was my choice and I'd make the same one all over again.

So dear 2013,
You are only 4 days away. My only hope, wishes and prayers are to be successful (financially & career), to be loved and to live peacefully with LESSER dramas of course. Without drama, life ain't that fun. hehe.

xo,
Zara Ismail

21.12.2012

It's supposed to be end of the world.
But my heart was the one that had an apocalypse.

It just won't stop aching. It just won't stop screaming how badly I miss and love him.
It just won't stop asking for more when there won't be more than what we have.

I couldn't ask for more.
I fell in love. Deeply, madly, and truly.
I'm scared to leave. I pleaded my head and heart to leave.
They decided not to and pushing for more.
Enjoy while it last.

Sadly, I'm dying of it slowly.
There are days I feel so used.
There are days I feel so loved.

It's so futile and I'm still fighting it.
Perhaps it might be the end of me.
Maybe.

Who knows?

No matter how painful it is, it was worth it.
I'd still go through it again and again.

That, I don't regret at all, even the world is about to end.

All I Wanted For Christmas is YOU

Christmas is just around the corner. It's been 6 months you've been away. I have always loved Christmas but this year, it'd be something simple. Time flies by so quickly, my dearest Alda. Even I've moved on, I still feel that part of me is missing.

Everyone dispersed right after your funeral. That shows how important you were to us. Now, some are not in talking terms (I know I'm not talking to your vocalist and his future wife.), some just literally busy with their life and as for me, I stopped seeing everyone too. It's not the same any more.

There are times, I wished that you're still around.
There are times, I wished I could return to the time we were just drinking and talking.
There are times, I wished I could save you.

But, no matter how hard I'd wished for, things won't change.

I miss you a lot Alda.