Sunday, November 28, 2010

Wreck Inside

I'm a wreck. An emotional wreck. I always put up a smile on my face and says, "Everything is alright." or " I'm fine.". Truth is I'm not. I've never been. People calls me a dramaqueen because I love the dramas in my life. I don't. No one truly knows how I feel except for myself and God. I can only let it out when it comes to twitter or blog but not to personally to a real person.

I'm not strong enough to face everything. I'm sad that I'm hurting again. I smiled because I don't want to lose it because I know I'm losing it sometime real soon. I didn't walk away because it's too hard for me. So, I kept everything to myself. I kept my worries, my hurts, my fears inside.

I don't want to hurt anyone I love and care most. I decided to keep it all in or runaway. I love them too much it's killing me. I don't know how to be selfish. I told everyone that I am but I'm not. I can't. I don't want to see them hurting. Not one single bit. I always pray for a light to show me the way to happiness, but it seems He is still testing me. So, I stand on my ground. Go through all  the test. Whenever I'm about to fall and break into pieces now, I thought of what my late father said, "He's testing you because He knows you can go through it."

I kept my promise. I stand on my ground but I'm only human. How long more can I take?

I wished you'd see me how wrecked I am but I forgot, where I stand. I forgot who am I to you.

I'm not gonna apologize for how I felt because I am me. Accept me for who I am.

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