Here goes...
Ok, I've been rambling about this "rockstar" whom I fell for recently. So there I was, at KL Indie Fest'09. He was there to perform with his band. I was there to finish up what I've left with the band I'm currently and still managing.
Since the last text message I received from him, I didn't reply nor received any news from him and that would be approximately 5 days ago, 1st July 2009, 11.19am. That's when I've made up my mind or actually before that to end it all. Well, it's all written in my blog here.
Back to the story; I was sitting with Shinzu playing game on his iPhone when I saw him and gf entered the "artist room". I ignored them. What's the point to actually looked at them when I don't give a shit anymore? Didn't know the bag that was next to me belongs to him. She came over to the bag and I vaguely heard her saying, "Slut". I thought I misheard it. Oh well, I'm already having hearing problems so I ignored it. Thought I was just imagining it. Hmm hmm.
She came up to me, "Zara can I have a word with you?", obviously, I said okay since I have no problem with that. No, there wasn't any catfight. (eww fighting over a guy? waaayyy pass that.)
A: He has something to tell you.
Z: Okay..
F: I'm sorry man..
Z: Okay..
A: Stop messaging in the middle of the night and by the way, that is my number.
Z: Done.
A: Don't be so desperate.
Z: Okay..
He took her hand and they walked away.. I didn't remember being desperate. I remembered that "rockstar" I fell for was the one who actually text message me for the first time and most of the time (and that's when I'll reply or answer his calls. Won't call unless he asked me to). I remembered the day he actually called me and told me the news that he's been wanting to tell me for ages. I remembered how he looked like when he actually told me that he liked me and not forgetting how many calls he rejects while talking to me on the day he had a big fight or a break up (which I never knew and I don't want to know and I remembered asking him was I the cause of it and he said, "NO"). I remembered him thanking me, ' Thank you for still being nice to me..' after we had our last meeting at my place and I ALSO remembered him apologizing, 'Sorry for being a selfish bastard' which it never come across my mind about it. Yes, I did send, 'I miss you' text when I was drunk and that was the one and only time I did that. I remembered meeting him up one night and he had a chance to jump onto me but he didn't. I respect him for that. I remembered how he refrained himself from me and all he did was kiss my forehead before he leaves.
We had great conversations about almost everything and that includes his relationship with family, friends, band and girlfriend. I supported him along the way since the day we've met. I never thought it would end up this way. Funny isn't it? Had a great friendship, great "Meaningless conversations" as he said it.
I'm not mad for what has happened, between me and him or the KL Indie Fest incident. Not a single one. I understand what she was trying to tell me but unfortunately it was a little bit too late as I've cut him off earlier. Don't worry Alis, he's all yours. Has always been that way.
Today is his birthday and I promised her that I won't text or call anymore. Which most of the time, he did the calling and texting. Oh well, the damage is done. Remember what ever I've told you oh dear "rockstar".
Happy birthday Hafizul Azim. Have a great year and good luck in your music and future. It was great knowing you.
*sigh* It feels good to let it out from my chest. Finally, my RAHSIA is out.