This is going to be another celebration that I want to celebrate. I don't find raya the same as before. It hits me hard. I thought I've accepted my father's death but deep inside it hurts. Something that I wouldn't want to feel. The feeling of loss. There are so much I want to share but somehow I don't know to write out how I feel inside. I don't want to fall apart. I'm trying to pick up myself. I'd like to walk away from everything. Everytime I look at those meds I have, I intended to just swallow it all and never wake up. I don't know how long I can bare the pain that I've buried inside.
I just don't know.
I just want to go.