Friday, June 29, 2012

One and only

It's been 18 days since Alda's passing and somewhat things have turned around pretty well.

I thought I would be a wrecked. It was the opposite. I found my peace. I am in zen mode. It wasn't just me, it was all #TeamAlda.

For the past 3 months I've been isolating myself from people. I wanted to be with Alda, Uncle Aldwin & Auntie Zoraida and #TeamAlda. My performance at work went down. All the things that I loved became redundant to me. I became cold. I became my worst nightmare. I forced myself to work everyday. I wasn't as happy as I was.

How can I be happy at the moment? My friend, my brother, my colleague was in coma. He was lying helplessly. Fighting for his life. My daily routine were disrupted. Everyday, I would wake him up. I'd buy breakfast and we would go to work. We go to lunch together. We would make fun of each other. Most of every Thursday, we'd go to kick boxing class together. Most every Friday, we'd be partying at Barsonic, Zouk KL. Most of the weekends, we'd go to events or just outing with our "Entourage" group. That was the past 10-12 months before his passing.

When he collapsed, all I wanted was to drop everything and just be by his side. I was offended when someone told me, "Don't get offended but, he is just lying there. Life has to go on. What else can we do?". I was so angry. In my heart, "Is that what you say when you love someone? Is that how see things are?", but I kept it to myself. Just smiling.

I dedicate this song to you Alda

I kept all the emotions for 3 months until I decided to resign. I didn't want to work there anymore. I feel like there's nothing left for me but painful memories. I wanted to run away. My boss, who is a close friend of Alda, rejected my resignation and said, "Is this how you deal with it? By running away? Do you think Alda would like this?" and I broke down for the very first time. I admitted I couldn't go on. I wanted to but I don't know how. Instead, I thought I was giving too much trouble to the company, I'd resign,  to save my boss the trouble to fire me. Instead, he gave me a chance, he offered me a transfer to a different and new department. He acknowledged my skills. He understood what I went through. I knew what he told me was all right. 

I took that chance. I want to keep my promise to myself, to my boss and to Alda. I want to make sure what  Alda has helped me was worth it. I was given a chance to build new life. I went into the office after 9 days of Alda's passing. I am me again. At the same time, I am now doing my own business. I start just about 3 days before I enter the office. It was like something knocked my head and when I woke up, I tweeted, "Lai lai mari order the famous frozen MURTABAK RAJA.".

Business is doing alright, not so bad. Can't say much since I've just started it. I became myself again, the happy go lucky blondie. Not to mention, to a particular someone who actually have been there for me. The support given was priceless.

I am now at peace. Alhamdulillah.

I may be sad losing a very dear friend, a brother who would always be there for me, a colleague who believed in me, but I am at peace. I knew that he is now in a better place looking after us. Our guardian angel.

Alda's contribution to the music industry, legacy will always be remembered.

The Star Newspaper
15th June 2012

Alda's passing is a blessing in disguise. For me, I've gained 2 new parents, 11 brothers & sisters, 1 niece. 
Let us now celebrate his life. 
To Alda. 

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