Silent cry

I don't know why I'm unlucky in love. I hate when I fell for someone who belongs for someone else. It's either someone's boyfriend, fiance or husband. Why can't I jusr fall for someone who's single? When that person is single, I fall for someone who's not the right for me. I know there's a say "fall for the wrong ones and you'll finally meet the right one". I'm tired of it, because I keep meeting the wrong ones. My heart is broken so many times. I'm too hurt. Shattered million pieces that I can't put it into pieces. I don't know till when I feel like this. Why do I drink? I'm trying to forget what I feel inside. I know it's stupid. I'm stupid, I'm an idiot. I'm worse than that. I've never looked down to myself this way. I'm tired. I really tired. I keep on praying. Everyone say God is fair. Why is He doing this to me? I can't take it. At times I lose faith, and I'll gain it but I'll lose it again.. I don't know how to feel again. I'm just a human being. All I'm asking for is happiness..

Zara Ismail
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These feelings

I hate the part that I need someone to lean on right now, and he's not there anymore. The time that I needed a shoulder to cry on. To someone who actually would understand me and just listen to me ranting out how I feel inside. I need and want that someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to okay and that's not the end of the world. That someone who'll wipe away my tears and smile at me. I miss that comfort. That comfort is long gone. I might laugh and smile all the time, but deep inside, I'm hurt, sad and crying. I tried so hard staying positive, but when something came along the way and make me feel down, I'll shattered again. I've never been this vulnerable. I hate this self of mine. I don't have that will power to move on already. I'm tired of feeling this way. When will God granted my prayers? To be strong, and independent like I used to, 5 years ago? I want to be that person. That bubbly side of me, living the way that I was.. Please, God, grant my prayers. Make it come true.. I've never stop asking and praying to you..
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Announcement / Cintamu

Dear friends/readers,

I'm writing an e-novel. It's called, Cintamu . Yes, it's a malay love story. I'm still in the middle of writing it. The chapters will be update frequently. Please spread the words. Have fun!



Zara Ismail

Penguasa Hati

Somehow, it's been 4 months, 6 days, 1 hour you've been away. Do you ever wonder about me? Do you even cry to sleep at night thinking of me? Do you ever reminisce about us? It's been this long and I'm still missing you. I can still taste your lips, your sweet kisses. It's hard enough just passing the time. I can't seem to get you off my mind. Where is the good in goodbye? I always wonder, do you ever ask about me. I should be over you but I'm still missing you. I'd like to say more, but these lyrics are enough to say it all.

 

Sebelum kau pergi jauh dariku
Dengarlah isi hatiku tentang dirimu
Yang slalu ku cinta
Dan yang slalu ku rindukan

Maafkanlah semua kesalahanku
Ku buat kau menangis pergi dan berlalu
Meninggalkan diriku
Dan takkan pernah kembali

Dan akhirnya kesendirian hatiku
Menyadarkan diriku bahwa engkaulah
Penguasa hatiku

Engkaulah cinta sejati dalam hidupku
Kaulah yang terakhir yang slalu kunanti
Sampai akhir nanti

Dan kaulah satu-satunya yang slalu kurindukan
Menghiasi ruangan hatiku
Sampai akhir nanti

Zara Ismail

Happy Birthday..

For the past 3 years, we've celebrated your birthday together. I'm sure you're celebrating it this year with someone new. So, I'm wishing you happy 26th birthday. Have a great birthday. Take care D.

Zara Ismail.
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Luka di Sini

Mengapa hati ini masih menyayangi dirimu? Aku sentiasa tertanya.. Kenapa kau masih istimewa bagiku? Kau telah jancurkan segala impian. Aku hilang kepercayaan, hilang kemahuan untuk bercinta, hilang diri aku. Dulu, aku tahu apa aku mahu. Kini, semuanya musnah. Kenapa air mata masih mahu mengalir untuk seorang yang tidak menghargai diri ini?

Dulu pernah ada cinta
Dulu pernah ada sayang
Namun kini tiada lagi perasaan seperti dulu
Kini tiada lagi kisah
Cinta ku telah musnah sudah
Hancur hati ku, telah kau sakiti perasaan ku

Biarkan ku pergi..
Jangan kau tanyakan lagi..
Ku yakin ini yang terbaik untuk kau dan diri ku

Biarkan berlalu,rasa cinta ini di hati..
Ku tak bisa untuk menahan, aku luka di sini

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Angel of Death

No more hopes
No more dreams
My heart is broken
It's all because of Him

Angel of death
come and take me
Let it be the last breath
I just want to be free

I see rainbows and butterflies
I know it's all lies
Drain me from these pain
It's driving me insane

This is my pray. I lost all hope, all faith. I'm so tired of being so sad, all the time.

Berhenti berharap

Today is the day that I wanted him so much. The time I wish he'd still be around and hug me and tell me everythings alright. Today I just realized how lonely it was. I thought I'd be okay. I'm not. I wish I can't stop these tears. My heart is broken all over again. I miss my "bestfriend". Talking to him over the phone just now was just too much for me. As much as I want him to be my shoulder to cry on, I know it's over. I wish there's a reset button. I don't have to remember he existed in my life three years ago. He'd know what to tell me. I just want to rip my heart out right now.

I don't know where to start. Four months ago I was dumped, and today I've been layed off. What else will come next? To think, everythings going to be okay is not okay. I'm tired of pretending. I'm hurt. I'm broke. I'm jobless. Great. 26 years old and not achieving anything at all. How pathetic could I be? Attempting to write is just wishful thinking. Now, I've lost all hope again. 

Thank you God.

" Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.. "

Cintamu / Chapter 1

"I just don't understand why I'm still in love with you when you hurt me so much.." kataku padanya. Dia hanya menundukkan wajahnya. "What have I done wrong this time? Apa salah I? Kenapa you buat I macam ni?" soalku lagi. Akhirnya dia memberanikan diri mendongak dan melihat aku. "Selama kita bersama, you tak pernah buat salah. It's me, not you." dia menjawab. "It's me not you? Itu je yang you dapat jawab?" soalku. Airmata aku tidak berhenti membasahi pipi.

"Sayang..." dia memanggil sambil mencapai tangan aku. Aku tarik tangan aku dengan kasar dan mengesat airmata, "Don't call me sayang. You don't deserve me. You dah lukakan hati I. You ingat I tak tahu kenapa you tinggalkan I? I berikan you peluang untuk jelaskan dan berterus terang pada I, tapi.. you masih nak berdalih!" aku menjerit padanya. Lalu, aku bangun, "I've had enough with you.." dan berlalu pergi meninggalkannya tanpa menoleh. 

Kecewanya hati aku. Kamil Afsyah. Itu lah lelaki yang aku terima selepas berkali-kali aku cuba menolak cintanya. Bila hati ini akhirnya menerima cintanya, dia menghancurkan hati ini. Air mata tidak berhenti membasahi pipi. Aku berjalan tanpa hala tuju. "Kenapa Kamil? Kenapa kau hancurkan hati aku?" soalnya hati ini. Dua tahun yang lalu, dialah lelaki yang akhirnya memenangi hati ini. Kini semuanya tinggal kenangan..

Riiinnnnggg!

"Azalea, kau kat mana? Dari tadi aku cuba telefon, tapi tak berjawab. Kau okay?" soal Dayanna, teman baik aku selepas menjawab panggilannya. "Anna, I don't feel like talking. Aku telefon kau kejap lagi lah." itu sahaja aku dapat menjawab. Terus aku mematikan telefon bimbit. "I'm sorry Anna, aku tak sanggup lagi untuk menceritakan semua..." bisik hati aku. Lalu, aku terus berjalan tanpa hala tuju.

Bila Cinta

Hari ini cukup empat bulan kau meninggalkan ku... Aku termenung seorang diri mengingati kisah kita yang lalu. Hati ini masih terluka. Air mataku membasahi pipi. Apakah salahku? Sampai kini aku tertanya tanya... Kau pergi meninggalkan aku tanpa sebarang kata. Aku masih memegang janjimu. Tatkali aku memejam mataku, aku masih melihat kau dan aku. Gelak tawamu, senyumanmu, masih segar di ingatan. Apakah kau sendiri tidak merasai apa yang aku rasa? Terluka, rindu? Walaubagaimanapun, kau masih di hati ini. Lagu ini ditujukan khas buatmu.


Bila cinta kini tak lagi bermakna
yang kurasa kini
hanya lah nestapa
ditinggalkan cinta masa lalu....


Dulu kau tawarkan manisnya janjimu
dan ku sambut itu dengan segenap hatiku
hingga engkau pergi tinggalkan ku...


Hilangnya cintamu
menusuk hatiku
hingga ku memilih cinta yang fana
perginya dirimu merobek jantungku
hingga ku terjatuh dalam harapan...


Ku sebut namamu disetiap doaku
dan ku kan setia kenangan tentangmu
yang ku dapat hanya lah bayangmu...

Zara Ismail

I Miss You

Everyday, before I go to sleep, I think of you.. Everyday, when I wake up, I'm not in "our" house. You're not next to me. I see different faces, I see me alone. I tried to hate you, but, how can I hate the person who holds my heart? The person whom I was in love with and will always love...

It hurts so much that today, I cried. I cried my heart out. I cried missing you badly. I cried because those memories still haunts me. I don't want anyoneelse but you. Only you could make me feel better. I thought I was okay, but, I've never been. Nothing is the same anymore. My heart is aching badly.

" I think it's time I let you go... and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.. "

Secret of a Broken Heart

I wrote another story. Something to get it out of my chest. My life is so boring. Here I am confessing. I am sick and tired of all the insincere. Why can't I just be honest? I have a secret and I wish I could give it away. I don't care when the critics jump in line. I got no reason to be ashame, I got no reasons to blame.

I've got nothing at all to remember you by. I just don't understand why won't you let me in. We could have waited for a little while. Let everything have it's way and we cracked the secret and smile. We forgot how we were when we together. Now, you've gone, wake me up and let me fall.

Better in Time

It's been the longest time I remembered without you.. I didn't know where and who to turn to. Seems like somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through. If you didn't notice, you mean everything to me. I used to think when I let you go, I've set you free, I'll be right here waiting for you. I thought you could take your time, find everything you need and I won't go away. I could keep your things right the way you left them and I'll be right here waiting for you to find me to come back to me..

I couldn't go to the places where we used to go, even turning on the television without something reminds me of you. Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings? Even though I really love you, I know I'm going to be okay.

When you say you're leaving, as you walk away, I know there's nothing left to say. Since there's no more you and me, I know it's time to let you go... So I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you. I thought I could not live without you. It's going to hurt when it heals too but I know it will all get better in time.

"Wanting you is hard to forget, loving you is hard to regret, losing you is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. Sometimes, the memories are worth the pain..."