Letting go...

I had a hard time to sleep last night.
My mind was constantly thinking about what happened for the past 3 weeks.
A friend of mine came over at my place;

a: saw him at laundry last night with a girl.he was sitting at a bar, hands over her shoulder. wanted to call you but didn't want to hurt you.

z: nah la it's fine with me. i know he's there with her. yeah i know he likes her too.

a: you deserve better. just so you know, you are way better off without him.

z: i know..i already know..

that conversation i had with that friend of mine kept on playing on my mind. the conversations i had with him. the conversations i had with my dad.

he cried when i told him the news. he's really upset. i had to tell him...
"I'm sorry pa, I failed everyone.."

Right after i hung up, i made up my mind. I'm leaving everyone for awhile. I need it..
I sent him an email. i said what i had to say..i should have said it long time ago..
I'm hurt. I hurt everyone.

I remembered the time when he said to me a couple weeks ago he wanted to be single for the next few months or maybe a year and not looking for a relationship. I'm puzzled. It's true how people changed their mind so quickly. Remembered telling me not ready for any commitments. Sigh. I know i am. I know I'm keeping my options wide. . .

And now, it's time to let go...everything.
It's the hardest thing to do..
I know i can do it.
and i know, i will never love anyone like i loved him.