What hurts the most

...is by sitting down and crying all alone.
...is being so close and having so much to say but nothing comes out.
...is in love but afraid to love.
...is knowing the truth.
...is losing faith.
...is having doubts.
...is thinking you have it all,but actually you don't.
...is expecting the best but denying the facts.
...is to keep on trying knowing that it won't work out.
...is living in your own fantasy.
...is having no one to talk to.
...is letting it go.

I'm not dead.Still Alive.

I haven't blog for awhile. Doesn't mean that I'm dead. Things are pretty okay lately. My life is getting better each day.

Alhamdulillah..

Been really busy and making myself busy too... ha ha ha.

It's been good for me. Met couple of old friends. Reminiscing old memories. Definitely will upload the pictures soon. Here are a few from early December'07 until recently..

Girls night out @ Cynna, KL.


Eyes On Malaysia.


moi + chris wee @ Hankook Tyre Launch, Sunway Hotel Resort.


moi + bear bear @ Abang Izat's Wedding, Selangor.


moi, didi + shida @ Plaza Mont Kiara, KL.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

When I'm Gone

when I'm gone..
save all the memories with you..
don't you always cry.

maybe,it's for awhile...
once you've met somebody new..
don't you ever forget me.

nobody knows--
when will we leave forever..
nobody can predict--
at this right moment, God chose me.

the laughter and tears..
memories that are left for you and me here..
how beautiful if we can live forever..
and not ending it up like this.

and when I'm gone..
save all the memories with you..
don't you always cry.

Last Night

[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
But my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here,
With this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

I know you can hear me
I know you can feel me
I can't live without you
God please make me better
I wish I wasn't the way I am

[Keyshia:]
If I told you once, I told you twice,
You can see it in my eyes.
I'm all cried out,
With nothing to say.
You're everything I wanted to be.
If you could only see,
Your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
Forever yours I'll be,
Baby won't you come and take this pain away.

[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
But my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here,
With this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]
I need you,
And you need me.
This is so plain to see,
And I will never let you go and,
I will always love you so.
I will...
If you could only see,
Your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
Forever yours I'll be,
Baby won't you come and take this pain away.

[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
But my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here,
With this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

[Diddy:]
Tell me what words to say,
To make you come back,
And break me like that.
And if it matters I'll rather stay home,
With you I'm never alone.
Don't want to wait till you're gone,
Whatever you do, just don't leave me.

[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
But my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here,
With this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]
I need you,
And you need me.
This is so plain to see,
And I will never let you go and,
I will always love you so.
I will...
If you could only see,
Your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
Forever yours I'll be,
Baby won't you come and take my pain away.

[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
But my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here,
With this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]
I'm so alone I'm so lonely,

Why don't you pick the phone,
And dial up my number,
And call me up baby,
I'm waiting on you.

Why don't you pick the phone,
And dial up my number,
Just call me up baby,
I'm waiting on you.

[Phone dialing and ringing]
[Diddy:]
Hello
Hey what's-up
I've been tryin' to reach you all night
That shit ain't funny not picking up the motherfucking phone
Better stop fucking playing with a nigga's feelings like that
You know how much I love you right?
But for them couple of seconds though,
When I couldn't get in touch with you.
I'm ready to come over your house and shoot that motherfucker up
You better fucking not be there when I get over that house
[laughing]
That's really how it goes down right?

Advices.

advices given to me long time ago.just want to share with all the readers. =) enjoy,maybe it'll help you out.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.-- fabian

Sorry...was browsing n just saw your page..dont mean to comment on things but good page n i see you are strong, lord knows what he did but just a thought would say...if he wasnt for you, then he wasnt worth it..maybe he was, maybe he was not..either way, heartbreaks never last...and form your movie selection, im sure you know that already..take a good quote from the movie "HEAT"...Robert De Niro says it to Al Pacino at the earth stopping conversation they have...then again...it was just a thought...anyway, big ups to you and dont bother recovering, start anew as life's too short with many twists...then again, just a thought...
Much respect n big luv...then again...just a thought..

Well...you sound like you doin ok...and i think you are doing more...no doubt its hard and no one can know what you goin thru...everyone who says they can are wrong as everything that happens in this world has seperate affects and alll humans are different like that, but your bro is correct...head held high always proves that you are doing good but on the inside is what i am letting you know about...its ok to be sad hun, also its normal that this happens n part n parcel of life...remember this, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Not intending you to be a heartbreaker but also tryin to say that no matter what, deep down inside only you know what you feel and the times you still think of him, and that only means you are human and have not lost your feelings...feelings not for him but just to be in touch with yourself. Just knowing that you are human n you still have feelings is good sometimes, trust me. Im sorry that i dont know you and am saying so much but in life sometimes we should say things like this despite being strangers as no one know how much we do uplift or help the person and thats my sole intention. All im saying is just hang in there..not when your friends around but when you alone in your room and feel all alone n shitty...thats when you need to hang in there coz a beautiful girl like you has lots of ppl who love her, and thats got to be worth something..never the same..but something. Thats when you need to hang in and know that life is too short to remember the past, sieze the day, party thru the night and always know there is a brighter sun shining the next morning..then again, just a thought...
Much respect n big luv...then again...just a thought..

-- Angelo

Find someone who can make you smile and never give up on them.

No one but myself...

2007 is about to end..
Many happy and sad events happened in my life within this year.
Played like a movie without sound.
Today is the 7th of December. Another 25 days til 2008.
People come and go into my life.
They leave a mark. Each and every of them.
Friends, past and current lovers.

I've never been so happy right now.
I was confused.
I was depressed [as u can read my previous blogs.].
Until now, I've realized...
The only thing that made me happy is myself.

I used to be indecisive [well making decisions in life.].
Now, I know what I want.
I've punished myself for the past 5 months.
I've beaten up myself badly.
Now, I won't do it anymore [insyaAllah].

To love someone, is to love yourself first.
To respect someone, is to respect yourself first.
Now, I have my confidence.
I have strength.
I have faith.
I do believe.
I don't give up.
Because in life, if you don't have that, you'll lose it all.
Life is short, embrace it.
Live life to the fullest.

I've never felt so peace.
So calm.
InsyaAllah, I'm gonna go through all the anticipations that Allah send to me.
InsyaAllah...

It's just me. No one but myself...

Falter.

I do believe I failed you
I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go...

I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong

'cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence
'cause we are born innocent
believe me we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?

I thought we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent

My heart is broken

it's 10.34am. it's raining right now.i haven't stop listening to 'the hill'. my heart's crying.my tears won't stop flowing. i asked to God, to give me strength. what i can see now, it's not going smoothly.
i've been thinking and i prayed. my heart's broken. though i have found my few missing puzzles, i'm about to lose another one. i've been making myself busy. i can't stop the way universe go.

Ya Allah, kuatkan semangat aku.

"I miss you and I love you..never ever forget that.."

Zara D.

This year's love...

These couple of days have been very bad for me.wait, past few weeks actually. that's the truth and i haven't stop praying. I got this advice from someone... I kept it long enough because I believe what she's been trying to tell me.

"Be strong in life, no matter what happens to you. When you have problems, you just have to cope with them. Life is tough and you have to learn that no one has it in for you, things just happen. Even if you're not religious a little prayer and knowing that someone is looking after you will help you get through. When times are good, appreciate every minute.


Don't be hard on yourself, love yourself. Nobody can love you like you love you, but you have to work at it - over years. That's a good thing to know when you're young. We women are so used to punishing ourselves. If someone has upset us, we tend to carry it around. Try not to carry it with you: think it out, sort it out and get rid of it. Counseling is a helpful thing these days.


Always be true to yourself. The best way to do that is to go with your gut feeling. You can listen to everybody and they can say,"Do this, do that", but that's just their opinion. Do what you think is right. Look inside yourself and go with it.It does sometimes help to listen to others, but above all listen to your gut feeling.


Laugh a lot. If you don't laugh, you have no life. Life has to be laughter and love and the rest will fall into place.


Educate yourself as well as you can. Be interested in a lot of different things, be stimulated by what is around you. Grab hold of life and don't get stuck in a rut. It's an exciting world out there and you should set your sights high. Strive for excellence in whatever you do and get totally involved. Keep your mind fresh and open and let your imagination soar.


Make sure you have enough personal space and time, time for your family and friends, and work time.


Trust your inner feelings and build faith in your own judgment. Common sense is pretty rare these days, so develop some. Never take no for an answer when it comes to your abilities, your business or your career horizons because women are innately good managers. We are multi-faceted.
Prepare for the fact that there will be moments when you fall. It's inevitable, so don't despair. Often there will be people around who will put a hand out and help. Life has pitfalls but they are part of the process of learning and adjustment. "

i have faith. though i actually now see what's wrong [Alhamdulillah Allah beri petunjuk.]. Like i said, i haven't stop praying and never will.it's kinda hard for me right now.i have less than a month.i know it's worth fighting for and at the same time i'm afraid.it still feels right and for the past few years,my instinct never gone wrong.i pray this time it won't.funny how love works. one willing to fight and the other won't.one has faith,the other doesn't. my heart's pumping real fast now. something is wrong. but i dunno what it is. it's like i'm gonna bump into someone. the adrenaline rush. *praying*

i'm sorry i have to stop typing now.suddenly i just can't. dear readers,please pray for the best.
Thank you.

Zara D.

Once

A modern day musical set on the streets of Dublin. Featuring Glen Hansard from the Irish band "The Frames". The film tells the story of a street musician and a Czech immigrant during an eventful week as they write, rehearse and record songs that reveal their unique love story.

Go ahead and find this dvd.


---



"Love is the flower you've got to let grow." ~ John Lennon

The Hill

Walking up the hill tonight
and you have closed your eyes,
I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning.
I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning.

Where are you my angel now?
Don't you see me crying?
I know that you can do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying.
I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me
but all his troubles on this night
is looking right through me
and I'm letting myself down
by satisfying you
and I wish that you could see
I have my troubles, too.

Looking at you sleeping,
another man I love.
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow.
I know that in the morning
I have to let you go
and you'll be just a man
once I used to know.
Before these past days
someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault.
When will you realize?

Looking at you leaving,
I'm looking for a sign.

Falling Slowly

I don't know you
but I want you
all the more for that
words fall through me
and always fool me
and I can't react

games that never amount
to more than they're meant
will play themselves out

take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice
you had the choice
you've made it now

falling slowly
eyes that know me
and I can't go back
wounds that take me
and erase me
and I'm painted black

well you have suffered enough
and warred with yourself
it's time that you've won

take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice
you had the choice
you've made it now

take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice
you had the choice
you've made it now

falling slowly
sing your melody
I'll sing it loud
loud

Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

I love all these songs by them. I knew it by watching the dvd titled "Once". I was browsing through looking for good dvd then i say the tag 'How often you meet the right person?' and so, I bought it. It's an Irish productions. Both of the main characters are real singers in person. Glen Hansard is the front man from the band The Frames and Markéta Irglová is a Czech singer songwriter. Well these are the list of the songs. Try to download all the songs. I love 'Falling slowly' and 'The Hill' best. The rest are pretty good too. =)

• All The Way Down
  
• Alone Apart
  
• Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy
  
• Drown Out
  
• Fallen From The Sky
  
• Falling Slowly
  
• Gold
• If You Want Me
  
• Leave
  
• Lies
  
• Once
  
• Say It To Me Now
  
• Sleeping
  
• The Hill
  
• The Moon
  
• This Low
  
• Trying To Pull Myself Away
  
• When Your Mind's Made Up
  

I'll post the lyrics one by one, some of it means a lot to me. =)

Love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

I got this article from an old friend of mine, Fareisha.

She's somewhere over the rainbow but she's concern about me.

She's one of my good friend.

Friends like her is so hard to find.

For the rest of my friends, who's been there for me lately, I thank you too...

I really appreciate it all.

I ♥ you!

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends"

---Jacques Delille

__________________________________________________________

People come into your life for a reason, a
season or a lifetime. When you know which one
it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it
is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a
difficulty, to provide you with guidance and
support, to aid you physically, emotionally or
spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and
they are. They are there for the reason you need
them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on
your part or at an inconvenient time, this
person will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die
Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a
stand. What we must realize is that our need has
been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and
now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or
learn. They bring you an experience of peace or
make you laugh. They may teach you something
you have never done. They usually give you an
unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season!


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime
lessons, things you must build upon in order to
have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to
accept the lesson, love the person and put what
you have learned to use in all other relationships
and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

Because of you..

If ever you wondered if you touched my soul, yes you do.
Since I met you I'm not the same.
You bring life to everything I do.
Just the way you say hello.
With one touch I can't let go.
Never thought I'd fall in love with you.

Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you.
You captured something inside of me.
You make all of my dreams come true.
It's not enough that you love me for me.
You reached inside and touched me internally.
I love you best explains how I feel for you.

The magic in your eyes, true love I can't deny.
When you hold me I just lose control.
I want you to know that I'm never letting go.
You mean so much to me, I want the world to see it's because of you.

Because of you, my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you..

Always for you

"I miss you..."

Love

What is love?
i sat here.. alone.
Having a pot of tea..
Starring at the crowd..
Starring at the entrance
-- with faith and believe;
I would see him.

My hearts crying out loud
How long can it take?
The memories are haunting me..
My heart yearns for him..
It's been days for me..
It's killing me.
I'm dying inside,
--but I shall not give up.

That's my definition of LOVE.

• never giving it up
• sacrifices
• compromised
• understanding
• believe
• faith
• trust
• respect
• forgiving
• appreciation
• sharing
• integrity
  
• honesty
• compassion
• happiness
  

"Perfect love is rare indeed -
for to be a lover will require
that you continually have
the subtlety of the very wise,
the flexibility of the child,
the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher,
the acceptance of the saint,
the tolerance of the scholar and
the fortitude of the certain."
~Leo Buscaglia~