Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mistakes That I've Learned ( And Still Learning )

Got Together Too Soon
Scenario: When you met someone you like, eventually he/she gave the same response, you have these adrenaline rush, your heart skipped a beat, butterflies in the tummy; You jump into a relationship.

Lessons: Hold on a little bit. Get to know each other. Be friends. It works actually. You just have to keep some for yourself so that in the future you won't get hurt. Yes, you can't control feelings, BUT think wisely, who wants a relationship that everybody knows it will be great in future to end half way? Yes, you can flirt with him/her and guess what, that's the fun part. The temptation. Once both of you sense it's the right time to proceed to the next level, you'll appreciate each other more.

Spending Time 24/7
Scenario: Everything is beautiful. You always want to be with each other 24/7. It's like the end of the world if you lovebirds don't see eye to eye. Ditched all your friends and family because he/she is your #1 priority in your schedule.

Lesson: Once starting living in each others life 24/7, you'll get bored. It's like indulging rich food. You'll lose the uniqueness. The good part of why you should be spending time together. there's only so much you can have. After a while, your appetite changes and you want something different (eg: that's the reason why most men find their "entertainment" from someone else. Oh well, ladies too.). People often mistake intensity with intimacy. Intensity is when you have great sex and get along really well but Intimacy, is what good couples have - history, ups and downs and loyalty and it takes years to develop.

Pleasing Each Other Too Much
Scenario: "Yes dear, I can cancel those plans and stick to yours". That's a good example. You will always want to make your loved ones happy. Puts aside yours.

Lesson: 2S. Selfish and Stupid. Selfish for the other party for not seeing it (because being pampered too much). Selfish towards yourself (you should put yourself first!). Stupid for those who does it. Relationship is about compromising. Give and take. It takes 2 to tango. Not a one way street. When either one fo you keep on doing that, you'll hurt each other. Do you want that?
Discussion is important. Try not to be selfish. Because when you're selfish, it'll turn to greed. Greed turns to taking for granted. And when argument arises, all you got to do is face the consequences.

Seeing Everything From One Side
Scenario: Never mind the dishes in the sink or dvds on the floor. You'll clean it up and oh well, your partner can laze around. He/she is tired. Or he/she is actually explaining/talking something and you either continuing flicking the tv channels or doing house chores.

Lesson: There's a famous line in the flick Dumb & Dumber where Jeff Daniel's character says, " I called her up, she gave me bunch of crap about me not listening to her or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. " Can we relate that? Many couples are having these problems because they don't listen to each other. Too busy defending their point of views that they forget to resolve the issue at hand. Talking through it is the key to having an equal relationship. Help your partner to talk if he/she can't. When one of you said sorry, regardless it's your fault or his/hers, say sorry as well. Don't stand there do nothing. Don't let your ego controls you.

Forgetting To Live In The Moment
Scenario: Planning is good. Going to the movies, dinner, etc. Work work work.

Lesson: Drop those plans! Just out of the blue, take your loved ones for vacations or some activity that both of you longing to do. Surprise them if you can! Better still, switch of your mobiles, cook dinner, have candlelights (too cliche?) or order in pizza and get those dvds that both of you wanted to watch for quite sometime. Spend quality time together. Don't make it as a routine. Just live in the moment like you're not gonna spend time with each other anymore.

These are the mistakes I did in my past relationship. Even now in my companionship. These are like notes for me, a self reminder. Lessons for people out there before they destroy their beautiful relationship. These are my new plans (from "My Favorite Mistake"). I'll do my best not to repeat it. Not to be the pain in the ass. Not to push it away.

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