Bloodstream

Wake up, look me in the eyes again. I need to feel your hand upon my face. Words can relay nice, they can cut you open and then the silence surrounds you and haunts you. The spaces in between two minds and all the places they have been. I tried to put my finger on it...


I think I might have inhaled you... I could feel you behind my eyes. You've gotten into my bloodstream, I could feel you floating in me..

You've always been my favorite kind of drug

Letter For You

Hey you,

How are you? I hope you're doing well. I know you're reading this blog. I have a confession to make. I miss you. It's been awhile.. yet, my anger hasn't reduce one bit of it. I may be happy but when ever someone opens up the topic, yes, about "us", I became mad. Mad for letting myself hurt by you. Mad for letting you hurt me, AGAIN. I wish I could say this out loud but I just don't want to come close not even 1 inch to you. That's how angry I am.

I don't hate you, but I hate what you did to me. I used to pray that you'd fall and die, but that's not right after all. So, I've prayed day in and out, karma's a bitch. Yes, it's still anger typing all these nonsense.





*breathe in breathe out*


Now, since the anger is gone, I know you know what I'm trying to say between the lines.
Take care.


Zara Ismail.

You Wreck Me

Me : How did we let this end this way when it could've been better?

Him : I don't know.

Me : For all the things we've been through, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm disappointed and I'm frustrated. BUT, you don't have to apologize because I forgave you and I'm sorry for the things I've done and said to you..

Him : I won't let you dissappear from my life.

Me : .....

That was the last conversation we had. Well, partly. We hugged, and walked away. That was two and a half months ago. I'm still bitter. When I had to talk to him, I became this person that I wasn't. I became angry. I'm moving on, yet the wound hasn't heal. I hate myself right now. This is not me. I'm only happier when I see my babies (best & good friends) and my family. When I'm alone, I'm bitter.

I'm quieter compared before. I hesitated when the guys came closer. I don't see the world as it was. I was a lover and I'm not anymore.


I'm wrecked.
You wreck me.

Too long we’ve been denying
Now we’re both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can’t get over it
Nothing to relive
It’s water under the bridge

~ "It Is What It Is" by Lifehouse

Sejati

Hari ini, aku cuba blog dalam bahasa.

Aku rasa kekosongan. Aku teringat akan diri orang lama. Apa khabarnya? Tiba-tiba nostalgia datang membawa sejuta kenangan. Air mata bergelinangan membasahi pipi. Sudah lupakah dia kepada diriku? Walaupun aku ada ramai teman yang menghiburkan diri ini, akan tetapi, tidak sama dengan dirinya.. Aku buntu. Pilu sungguh hati ini. Berkali-kali aku memesan diri ini cuba melupakannya, aku tewas dengan perasaan diriku sendiri. Namun semuanya kenangan... Hanya lagu "Sejati" dari Wings menemani hati yang luka ini.

Sejati
Itu yang kau ucapkan
Bila janji kugenggam
Bawah pohon kemboja
Yang sekecil kita

Menanti
Di mahligai mainan
Kita bina bersama
                                                      Dari dahan yang rapuh

Usia perangkap kita
Remaja kita tinggalkan
Namun aku masih
Menggenggam janji

Tinggal kenangan
Gagal segala impian
Tinggal bertanya
Erti sejati

Kenangan itu
Hanya mainan bagimu
Tinggal bertanya
Erti sejati
Yang telah engkau janjikan dulu

Stolen

He came in my life, unannounced.
When he kiss, he sets avalanches in my heart.
I never could have seen this coming.
The most amazing things.
They arrive within a moment.
When he's next to me, I'm alive all of sudden.
This is beautiful, unmistakable, unforgettable.
This is beautiful.

Because of you.. I laugh a little harder, cry a little less and smile a little more...

I Get Around

t's easy to think that the world is exactly as it appears: refined, elegant, imposing. But sometimes all it takes is a little key to open the door to the wild side. I love my weekends. I love it when I go out with my babies. I get to see them and I'm drowned in laughters and happiness. All of them are so eccentric. Their characteristics mirrors me. They are all different among each other, but the same characteristics that they have are patience, helpful, understanding and very good listener. They define me. They bring me down to earth and yes, they are my ecstasy. My new drugs. I'm thankful to the Lord above, for such a beautiful gift. Our friendship. Yes, we partied a lot. So? We work our ass off day and night and we earned it. Sometimes we need to step outside, clear our head and remind ourselves of who we are. And where we want to be. And sometimes we have to venture outside our world in order to find ourselves.

 

  As for me, I'm happy right where I am... I only want to be with you babies. 

XOXO

Zara Ismail

When A Heart Breaks

                    No one told me ever told me it would come to this... What began with such a promise, which end with such a twist. Everybody's laughing. Maybe that's just me. Does something unrequited mean it will never be? I lean into the whisper but I don't hear anything. Life, for now, I've come to fear. You've dropped me off and left me here. With nothing here to find my way, but the light you take as you pull away.. Far ahead the brush is moving and there's others here and good still proving. it's a tear in the dark all alone in the car in pieces. It's the sound of a mistake as I'm lying awake and sleepless. That is the sound that's made when a heart breaks. 

Nothing's wrong, it's in my mind... Nothing's wrong and I'll be fine...

Reminder to Self

Forget his name
Forget his face
Forget his kiss
His warm embrace

Forget the love that you once knew
Remember he has someone new...
Forget him when you hear your songs
Remember when you cried all night long...
Forget how close you once were
Remember he has chosen her...

Forget how you memorized his walk
Forget the way he used to talk
Forget the things he used to say
Remember he has gone away...

Forget his laugh, his grin
Forget the way he held you tight
Remember he's with her tonight...

Forget the time that went so fast
Forget the love that moved, it's past
Forget he said he'd leave you never
Remember he's gone FOREVER...

"I cried today... not because I miss you... or even wanted you... but because I realized I'm gonna be all right without you." - Zara Ismail

Come Back When You Can

I've been led on to think that we've been trying for too long. Every time we drift, we're forcing what is wrong.
At last that voice is gone. Please take your time, but you've got to know that I am taking sight. You look good with your patient face and wandering eye. Don't hold this war inside.

You left your home. You're so far from everything you know. Your big dream is crashing down and out your door. Wake up and dream once more. Let go, you'll understand. You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.


So come back when you can.

I think its time I let you go... and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.