Scarred

The memories are rushing thru in my mind. Suddenly it brings me back to his place, his room. Where I lie on his bed and watching him staring at his pc. With his favorite song playing on the back, I smiled. It was such a lovely sight.

Tears streaming down my face without me noticing, until someone wiped it away..

N : Stop crying love..
Me : How can I? I'm still hurting..
N : I'm here for you..
Me : I know.. But he isn't. He's the only one who can take away the pain..
N ; Is he worth it?
Me : I fought for 3 years, isn't it good enough?
N : What does your heart says?
Me : It was worth it, and it is still..
N : Waiting?
Me : Who else can fix this?
N : Yourself.
Me : Take years..
N : Take all the time you need.. For now, try to let go..
Me : If I don't want to?
N : You'll lose yourself..

Why is it so hard to let go? It's already gone. Damaged. It's scarred forever. Wound is so deep that nothing can heal it. They say time, but the longer it is, the deeper it'll get. I don't know how to treat this wound. It's like pouring acid to your skin..

" True love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars. "

Zara Ismail


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Daniel - Bat For Lashes

Daniel, when I first saw you
I knew that you had a flame in your heart
And under under wild blue skies
Marble movie skies
I found a home in your eyes
We'll never be apart

And when the fires came
The smell of cinders and rain
Perfumed almost everything
We laughed and laughed and laughed
And in the golden blue car
You took me to the darkest place you knew
And set fire to my heart

When I run in the dark
Daniel
To a place that's vast
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

But in a goodbye bed
With my arms around your neck
Into our mouths the tears crept
Just kids in the eye of the storm
And as my head spun round
My dreams pulled me from the ground
Forever to search for the flame
For home again
For home again

When I run in the dark
Daniel
To a place that's vast
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

When I run in the dark
Daniel
To a place that's vast
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

This song is for you Danial Radzmi Roslan.

The Expendables

Star cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke; Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (both special appearances) and Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Terry Crews.

Director : Sylvester Stallone

Genre : Action/Thriller

Synopsis : A team of highly-trained, dangerous mercenaries are sent on a mission to a South American country, with the objective of overthrowing a cold-blooded dictator.

Review

i decided to watch this movie with a friend  of mine at Cathay Cineplex, E @ Curve last night. While I was waiting for the movie to start, I read on twitter about how bad this movie is. I almost fell for it and not going to watch it. So, I thought, we've got the tickets, why not? It won't be that bad.

Starting of the movie, it was gory ( Bullets, knives and bare hands fly in an incomprehensible vortex as arms and heads and body parts get thrown into the melee) but exciting. Through out the movie I realized the spotlight was on Stallone and Statham most of the time. What do you expect? Stallone is the director. Watching all these stars doing the action (yes, yes, they have stunt doubles), running, and still look good, I actually like it. It wasn't that bad after all. I like the part where Arnold Schwarzenegger made the special appearance. The script was hilarious with alpha male ego and sarcasm.

Behind all the actions, I like the summary of the movie. Doesn't mean dangerous mercenaries lost their soul. They are not cold blooded killer. I find it very human. Something different. Among all the actions, Statham's was the best. They still need an Asian and a black man to complete the movie. For the "heroin" stars by Giselle Itié as as Sandra, a young native woman and Garza's daughter (ruthless dictator played by David Zayas) looked so gorgeous and sexy for her first appearance, later on, I realized she's not even good looking but she fits the role as a native. Most of the casts has about 5-10 lines? Seriously, Stallone should not take all the lines as most of the stars are high profile actors.

Overall, I think this movie is alright. With Stallone's gun-emptying, blade-tossing, clandestine action flick "The Expendables" is great fun. If you want to watch it, I'd suggest to wait for the DV or Blu-ray quality. Below is the trailer. ;)

Rating : 6 / 10

Still in love

All the memories came back to me. I feel like crying. It's true when I said last year was my first and last Eid Mubarak with him and his family. I remember my terawikh with him, my first salam on the first day of raya. I tried to forget about it but it didn't go away. I don't think I can ever get over him.. No other love can replace him for now and I don't know how long I'm gonna feel and be the way I am now. I tried not to hold on the past but the memories are haunting me each day I tried to forget about it. It hurts so much.. Tomorrow, it'll be 6 months already. Why am I so pathetic? Still in love with him? Why? I'm guessing this year Eid Mubarak will be really different.. I hope it'll be better than last year..
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Thinking of You

I'm not feeling so great after all. Another 9 days, it'll be 6 months since he left me. Yes, I've been counting the days. I read a quote, "No matter how badly someone is hurting you, sometimes letting them go hurts even worse..." and that's what I'm feeling right now. I am happy. But whenever right after I had a good laugh, something just hit me in my mind and ask, ' Is he as happy as I am? '. Why is it so hard to forget this one person? I know it's kinda stupid to ask this from God, but I've always prayed something bad would happen to me so that it could make me forget about him and our past. I don't like it when I still remember.  It's not that I don't want to cherish it forever, it hurts me. I miss every single laugh we had. I miss every endless conversations. I miss everything about us. I don't know how I could actually go on like this. Thanks to my family and babies (who has been giving me great support), I am how I am now. I hate it when I cry about someone who doesn't deserve my tears. At times, I pray that I'll get a job and go far away from here. Start a new life. I don't have to go to the places that we've been before. It hurts even more when I actually visit my old home recently. It brings back millions memories. No matter how, I'm still hurting. So hard to not feel hurt. I thought I was still okay, I didn't know it was this deep. Please God, I'm praying and begging you to take away my memories so I won't be in pain..

"Just so you know, I tried my best to let go of you… but I failed."