Monday, March 24, 2008


before i write down what i intend to, i just wanna shout wwwooohhoo!!!~ GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!! GO FERRARI!! XD

anyway, yeah, last night i couldn't sleep really well. i had horrible dreams about me and him. We were practically yelling towards each other. Can't believe that i could dream such things. That's what happened when you kept on thinking too much..

last night i went to hartamas square to watch football match between manchester united [i loikkee] vs liverpool with my "bf". As anyone can see here, i wrote it with inverted comas. So i bumped into someone, it was d's best friend A. And the conversation goes...

z: A!! [walk towards him and hug]

A: What are you doing here? Who are you with?

z: Glory Glory Man United!! ouh I'm with my "bf" [pointing to S]

A: Okay...[shocked] I mean what's going on?

z: Look D found someone else. so it's goodbye you know what's going on between me and him, rather complicated plus i know he likes her a loooong time ago. Plus, if things work out between me n S, maybe we'll get engage. Tengok la dulu.

A: What??!! What are you talking about engage?! I mean, okay, I know D very well, I know her too. What she's like. Come on la, she used to be with my bestfriend then when i was in highschool before i got close to D. I know D very well, I mean I've seen his worst broke up with L. When he texted me last friday, telling me "dude, i think i have a gf." I was like you think? that shows he's uncertain about it. it's either you have one or you don't. You guys baru a couple of weeks je. Cepat giler korang rebound. Him and you. I mean you...engage?Why are you doing this to yourself? I know you're way smarter than this! It all takes time..He's actually coming here. Are you okay with that? I mean he's coming with her..Do you want me not to tell him not to come. Telling him I tak jadi datang?

z: Nah la it's okay. Well, I can't say no. I have to deal with it.. I know he's happy with her.You're just saying that to make me feel okay kan? Anyway, i got to go to my "bf". Dah lama sangat dah. Just don't tell him that I'm here.

A: okay.where are you seated?

z: Right in front there.. [pointing the spot]

and so i walked to my place. I couldn't sit still. I have that butterflies in your tummy feelings. I'm not ready seeing him with some other girl for now. I'm not sure whether he's ready also to see me with some other guy...

I called my best friend a few minutes later. I cried telling her i need her badly 'cause i'm not ready for it.

Then i received a message from A.
"Hey sweets, I'm sorry but he's already on his way. How? Mcm ni la, just avoid where i sat just now. Where are you seated?"

I replied telling A that it's fine with me. I even asked A whether has D arrived. I wanted to order my food at western there, and A said better order straight away. I went to order my food with my cousin, Nana.

Nana: Eyh eyh tuh dia. He's alone.
z: Oh my god. dia nampak i ke tak?
Nana: Tak la..
z: Eh jom. I don't want to bump into him please. I don't feel like seeing him right now.

[we walked towards our table]

Nana: You okay or not? It's fine. You have me here...
z: I don't want him to see me la..
Nana: Buat bodoh la. enjoy the game. entah entah he couldn't be bothered about you here with S.Eyh alamak.Nie dia depan kita.

My heart stopped for few seconds. Saw him right in front of my eyes.

Sent A a sms, "Dia datang sorang kan?"
A replied; "Yupp.. Nasib..."

I called my best friend again to update her.

"Why did you tell A that you're engage to S? Why must you lie?! Why can't you tell A that S is your bf?D called me and asked me - is Z engage to S?- and i was like what? since when she got engage?how come i don't know about it? Why did you do that Z? You should know how A is."

I told my best friend, "I did not tell A that at all. He misunderstood what i told him.Sigh. I'll tell A what's going on la.hish. how could he say that. I said to A if things work out la.."

I told myself -sia sia aku kena marah. lain aku cerita,lain dia sampaikan. aku cakap jangan beritahu, dia beritahu juga.apakah? nampak sangat talam dua muka.Kenapa lah aku pergi cakap dengan dia pun tak tahu. Sia sia sahaja.-

I then sent another sms to A explain to him that he misunderstood me.

I just don't get it. If he doesn't care why would he called? Or is he just curious? In the first place i kept on thinking, why would i be worried about him. Why do i feel like i still owe him an explanation? Why would i mourn when I'm the one who said goodbye for good? He couldn't even be bothered. Why do i feel this way? Oh dear Lord, it's killing me. Both my head and heart are having this big crisis. I can't take it.

"maafkanlah bila ku selalu
membuatmu marah dan benci padaku
ku lakukan itu semua
hanya tuk buatmu bahagia" - Tangga [Terbaik Untukmu]

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