Thursday, September 20, 2007

i blog this last night

by the time i write this, wont be the same time i'll be it means i just cut and its 10.57pm. im all alone at home.i just finished my dinner [yeah i know a pretty late dinner] and watched dvd titled, 'then came love' starred vanessa williams. the story was okay for me.nothing interesting to talk about.anyway, the reason i wrote this is because i just wanna let my feeligs out.i feel so life now is a whole lot quieter than before.previously i stayed with my sister and everytime i feel lonely theres always my two cute bratz-nephews to color my day.i miss them.i miss my sister too.nothing is the same now.i chose this path to stay on my own to have my own 'space'. BUT it seems just an "empty" space.i hardly go out.i have friends,but all of us have different path now.i have a wonderful boyfriend tha i kept on telling to everyone..but he has not much time for me as before. he's been really busy.what is the point of me staying all alone now?i feel so lonely.i read.i watch dvd but it stills feel empty.i need something to color up my use to say,i hardly laugh like i used to.since danial's been very busy,i tend to seek more attention from him.i become very clingy.all im asking for is a day without any disturbance,any rush.i wont have that cause i have to understnaf his situation.when i received any attentions from any guys,i feel seems like i'm cheating on him.i do enjoy it but whats the point having fun with the person that you're not in love with?its so hard for me to adapt into this quiet life of mine.part of me misses the old life,feels like calling the 'old friends'.i cant do that.i was thee one who wanted this.i hate this life now.sometimes i envy seeing or hearing danial go out with his friends.i want that too but where are they? with their life.i do feel miserable at times.truth is,most of the times.i can hide this in front of any other people but i cant lie to my heart...if only someone would understand how i feel.danial is the type of a guy "when im out with my friends,its just me and my friends.".i know im complaining.but i was the one who wanted this.where did i go wrong?have i made the right choice?my life is full of sadness.the only colors i'll be having is when im with my loved ones which im hardly with them..but no one cud see it.i dont ask for symphaty when i write this.all i want is to let go my feelings..whenever before i go to sleep,i keep on wishing my life would be a whole lot better and colorful..where's my sun..where's my shiny stars..where's my bright moon?where are they...?

Zara D.

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